I don’t know how many of you read the post I did regarding “A Passive Aggressive Victim’s Bio”which mentioned JMarie’s new book “My Life, My Understanding”, but she has left many, very good comments here on the blog. I have asked her if I could re-post for all of us one of her last comments that had a few, very interesting questions to ponder regarding mutual friends and our passive aggressive relationship. She gave me permission, so here we go.
Some friends or aquaintances will not want to be involved with your problems (and that is their right). Some will steer clear, or become very superficial in their dealings with you, and some will judge and tell you their opinion. That’s fine. It’s their opinion, but it comes from their beliefs..not yours. If they don’t want to understand the problem, how can they judge it?
A few question to all the readers…
1. When you began your journey of understanding about Passive Aggressiveness in your partner and your own involvement with it; even your own contribution to the problem, why you felt the way you do (all the hurts, confusion, anger,and crazy-making)…, and you tried to explain it to your friends or family…How were you acknowledged by them?…Or how did they acknowledge the problem?
2. If you had relationships with friends together with your PA partner, how were you acknowledged from those friends when you tried to talk to them about your problem?…….
Did they believe you?
Did they see the Passive Agressive in the way you expressed to them? Was their vision different from yours?
Were you ignored? told it would all be fine, or that you were crazy?
Did they want to support you– ie: Offer to talk – anytime, a place to stay, go out to a movie or lunch with you, etc…?
Did they want to listen to you and try to understand by asking questions?
Did they invalidate you and tell you to “get over it?”
I could ask many more questions, but it would be interesting to hear some of your answers. I know that what other people feel about you is theirs to deal with, and if they don’t tell you how they feel about it all, you are just guessing at what they feel—
There is a time of insecurity in all this Passive Aggressive relationship struggle that we all face that would be best addressed with examples; due to all the advice out there that says to “build your own support network”.
Just another way to learn from others…….
So there you go. I know I have received many comments regarding how mutual friends turn on you, or how a lot of us keep silent because we know our friends would never “get it”. Some are just embarrassed to admit to friends what is truly going on. What has been your experience regarding mutual friends and your passive aggressive relationship? Thank you JMarie.
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