Reading List

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Divorcing a Narcissist – One Mom’s Battle

divorcing a narcissist

Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness

overcoming1

Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man

paman

I Heart My In-Laws: Falling in Love with His Family–One Passive-Aggressive, Over-Indulgent, Grandkid-Craving, Streisand-Loving, Bible-Thumping In-Law at a Time

Marrying into the PA Family

Marrying into the PA Family

Recommended by Val-

Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry
emotionalvamp
Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition

Another one I’ve heard a lot about

In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

sheep

Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

Getting The Love You Want

Getting The Love You Want

Getting the Love You Want Workbook: The New Couples’ Study Guide

The Workbook

The Workbook

Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved

Receiving Love

Receiving Love

Giving The Love That Heals

Giving Love That Heals

Giving Love That Heals

Healing is a Choice Workbook: 10 Decisions That Will Transform Your Life and the 10 Lies That Can Prevent You From Making Them

Healing Is A Choice

Healing Is A Choice

Healing is a Choice Workbook: 10 Decisions That Will Transform Your Life and the 10 Lies That Can Prevent You From Making Them

In the interest of full disclosure here, I am an Amazon affiliate so if you buy any of the books on this page, through this page, I earn a small commission. This is not however, why I recommend these particular books, otherwise I would not have taken down “Angry Smiles” which has shot up to $89. LOL.

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11 Responses

  1. H Lady Beams, Mother in Law here. Well, the PA DIL had her sucker punch ready this weekend. I haven’t a clue what I did wrong, but my son did not bother to contact me yesterday. The “her side of the family” gathering, as you may or may not remember, was scheduled purposely on Mother’s Day weekend (though no one would ever admit that) so as to keep our son away from us and, especially from honoring me. I am broken hearted and ready to give up. I cannot endure another moment of this. I really don’t care what happens to me now. This is the last straw. I must deserve this. I thought when my 18 year old LCpl. Marine committed suicide 4 years ago I had been punished enough.

    • My Dear Mother-in-Law- I am so sorry to hear that you didn’t even get a phone call. I’m sure it’s absolutely nothing you did wrong. More like who had control over his time that day, and don’t ever think you “deserve” to be in pain. It makes me so sad to hear you talk like that, altho I’m glad you came here to get it out. I hope it made you feel a little better at least being able to vent a little bit.

      Please don’t give up. You seem to have a good relationship with your husband who loves you, and you still have grandkids to see grow up. Over and above that, you can’t let her just win. LOL. While it was very thoughtless of your son, I’m sure he loves you a lot and would be lost if you weren’t there. Where’s your fight, Woman? LOL.

      I’m very sorry to hear about your son. I can’t even imagine what it would do to me to lose one of my children. I think the only thing that would make it at all possible to go on is knowing I have the other 2, just as you have your other son. I worry about my son (he is the youngest behind 2 girls) chosing to go the way of suicide also. I know he’s thought of it a few times. I don’t know if there is ever anything we can do to save them. With kids, especially teens and early 20’s, they feel everything so deeply and dramatically. It always reminds me of trying to tell a baby with colic that it will pass and they will get over it. The baby never understands that. They feel the pain as if they are going to die. I think it’s the same with young people. They just don’t get that there are many years ahead of them and the pain they are feeling today isn’t going to last forever. “This too shall pass”.

      Please try and remember there are people around you that love and care about you. Just like the pain you feel when you think about your son that took his own life and ask “why?”, I’m sure you would not want to wish that same pain on your husband and son. Maybe there is a good explaination for him not calling. Don’t give up too soon. It’s always darkest before the dawn, they say. If your son and this girl do finally split and he ends up broken hearted, you wouldn’t want him thinking that’s the only way to deal with the hurt.

      Anytime you need to let it all out, you come right here and write to your heart’s content. Right now I’m in the process of packing etc., but I don’t disappear for too long. I will always get back with you. It never hurts anything to talk things over. If you ever want to talk privately, you can contact me by email. I just realized I didn’t have any contact info up, but I do now, so feel free. The nice thing about posting here in comments is there’s a chance of more reponses that just me, and the conversation may be helping others in a similar situation.

  2. Hello,

    I read “Living with the Passive Aggressive Man”, and it really opened my eyes and made me realize that I’m not crazy. But I found that it did not have many solutions or effective ways to deal with a P/A man. Nothing worked for me.

    I have not read any of the other books listed. Which ones would you recommend for solutions in dealing with a P/A man without losing your sanity or maybe getting him to stop his behavior (unlikely, I know).

    Thank you.

    • I don’t know which books to recommend to you other than the ones I have listed. Most of the stuff I have researched says the only way to cope with their passive aggressive behavior is to call them out on it every time it happens. I do that most of the time with mine. He’s a very passive passive aggressive, so he just clams up and hangs his head, but at least he knows I know. If he does the same behavior often enough I will ask him to please explain his logic to me so that I can try to understand what (in the sam hell) he’s thinking. It usually puts an end to that particular thing, but then there will just be something else. I know a lot of spouses just deny everything, but if you have your ducks in a row, they can’t do that forever. LOL

  3. What we are always looking for is strategies, ideas on how to respond to this kind of behavior.
    I see three steps in the path to recover your sanity:

    1) you are confused and blinsided by his behavior;
    2) you stop blaming yourself and look for answers;
    3) you develop your own defensive tactics…

    There is a a ebook that teaches you how to defend from passive aggression, at

    http://creativeconflicts.com/2009/03/tip-1-to-manage-passive-aggressive-people/

    and moreover, when you sign up you can get a free ebook on how to leave him, if you are ready to go alone.

  4. Has anyone one read the creative conflicts ebook on living with a passive aggressive guy? I am wondering if it has any good strategies?

  5. Dear ladybeams.I divorced my p.a. husband after 24 yrs.I will write more when I can its a long story..This book was recommended by therapist and is so helpful in understanding the dynamics ,ATTACHED by Dr Amir Levine and. Rachel Heller.Id like to share it with you all.BEST WISHES .XX

    • happy girl- Thanks so much for the book recommendation. Always happy to find another source for educating myself. Welcome. Looking forward to hearing more.

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