I talk here quite a bit about my passive aggressive BF and how his passive aggressiveness as a parent has affected his youngest son. I also talk about my son and his passive aggressive behaviors. I’m so used to dealing with our two youngest boys and generalizing the passive aggressive parenting effects on them, but today I saw a search for “passive aggressive fathers and the effects on daughters” that it caught my attention.
I never thought as I was talking about the boys, about the parenting being gender specific. As I think about it girls and boys are different anyhow (duh), it only stands to reason they would handle parenting styles differently. Think about your siblings. They most likely didn’t turn out exactly like you.
I know what it did to my oldest daughter. It made her “needy” and very hard to let go of a relationship, even when it’s toxic. When she was little, my ex would treat her cold and exclude her every time he was mad at me. He would not be direct about it with her and she did not understand what was happening. I would “fix” it but the initial hurt I’m sure never left her. Now she’s always afraid of being “left”.
My own father, while a bit narcissistic, was also a bit passive aggressive. He had been a marine for 20 yrs., was raised by a marine, and called everyone “sir” and “ma’am” till the day he died. I’m sure he was never allowed to express his anger, emotions openly. I never thought about him being passive aggressive before, but he was great at making snide remarks and then acting so surprised and sorry if you were hurt. I just got used to the nicknames for being over weight or when he would tell me how lousy I sang. I didn’t realize at the time what an easy target it made me for anyone needing to conquer someone with less self-esteem and confidence than they had.
What about you? I’d be curious to know if you grew up with a passive aggressive father and you’re a daughter, (sons may join in too, but please specify you’re a son) how did it affect you? Are there things you do in your relationships now that are caused from how you were treated by your father as a kid? Has it caused pain in your life, or were you able to fight it? Just leave comments below. It’ll be interesting to see how many ways this has an effect on us.
Filed under: abuse, causes, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive families, passive aggressive parent, psychology, self esteem | Tagged: abuse, behaviour problems, causes of personality disorders, covert abuse, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive parenting, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse, sanity |