When you live with a passive aggressive long enough, you start to get a little paranoid. You start to look at the things they’re doing as a way of getting back (or getting even) with you for something. You may have absolutely no idea what, but you get that feeling because someone can’t be doing these same actions over and over and not have any reason other than just plain old forgetfulness, etc.
I forget things at times, you forget things at times. It’s the way life is. Heck, I declared myself senile at 23. Obviously it happens to me a lot. LOL. I’ll tell you one thing I wouldn’t forget is if I did something to really make him mad (if he actually told me he was), and I wouldn’t forget odd things that have to do with everyday life.
Hence the “noodle wars”. When the passive aggressive BF makes spaghetti, he insists on leaving the noodles in the water and if you don’t know it already, they have a tendency to disintegrate. The other nite he made stroganoff. He leaves the noodles in the water. I have explained several times if he’s worried about the noodles sticking together just pour a little sauce in them and then everyone can add more sauce as they get their plates. When it came to the stroganoff noodles he had put margarine in there, so they weren’t going to stick anyhow. And so the noodle wars have gone for the last 9 yrs.
His new thing is getting even for me being “overweight”, to put it delicately. Like I said above, the other nite he put margarine in the noodles. I’ve never seen him do that before because he knows how I am about any added fat to anything. Here’s where the paranoia comes in. It’s like the heavier I’ve gotten the less he eats, less carbs that is. He’s now taken to eating hot dogs and sausages without a bun. He rarely will let me put mashed potatoes in his lunch with his meat. I swear it’s like this private campaign of his to see how skinny he can get to balance how much weight I’ve gained. I don’t know if he’s trying to show me how to eat, but at this point he makes a good argument for the “no carb” diet. LOL.
Then there is the matter of the bed covers. We haven’t slept real well together for awhile. I was going to start sleeping in the daughter’s room, but he doesn’t want that either. I’ve asked him to put slats in the bed a long time ago so I won’t roll toward him from where it sags in the middle. He brought home slats, but in typical passive aggressive fashion, they have been standing up against the wall long enough to grow spider webs. He hasn’t complained in quite awhile. Sometimes he does get rather violent in his sleep though. Now he just simply pulls all the covers from my side of the bed. On his side they lay on the floor, but still when he wants covers he pulls from me. One night I just held on until he woke up from the struggle. LOL. It hasn’t stopped him though. Today I will remake the bed and tuck everything back in and tonight the tug of war will start again.
One thing I’ve learned about the passive aggressive personality is that if it’s deeply embedded and they can’t carry out their aggression during waking hours, they will work it out even in their sleep.
Filed under: abuse, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders, trust | Tagged: living with a passive aggressive, paranoia, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive personality, passive aggressive spouse |