As I was doing a little more research yesterday on the causes of passive aggressiveness, I found an interesting article in the Las Vegas Review Journal by Steven Kalas, a behavioral health consultant, regarding age-regression. This is another rather interesting view point which would help explain why a passive aggressive withholds sex.
Mr. Kalas states that
“Suddenly, the man no longer sees a peer, a friend,
a lover, a mate — he sees the critical mother!
And he tantrums. He whines. He pouts. He turns
passive-aggressive. He “forgets.” All strategies
guaranteed, by the way, to get your wife to act
even more like a critical mother.
Or just as suddenly a woman will no longer behold
her loving husband; rather, the disappointed father.
The father whose job it is to tell her how she
screwed it up. To tell her what’s wrong with her.
The father to remind her that daddy knows best.
Daddy decides about money. I am the Great and
Powerful Oz! So she nurtures resentment. Becomes
depressed. Abandons him sexually, because nobody
wants to have sex with their dad. She spends. She
eats. She’ll show him.”
I thought this was a very worthwhile concept, after all, I’m sure I act like the “critical mother” in my relationship with the passive aggressive boyfriend. I know I’ve said a hundred times at least that he’s like having another little kid. Through the years it has probably gotten worse as my patience is shorter now than it was when I was first going through these things. I can understand my BF not wanting to go to bed with someone he visualizes as a mother figure. Between that and the fact that they have dependency issues, plus never fully connecting emotionally, and now add this, I may never have sex again! LOL.
What I’m curious about is if they can work through this.
Mr. Kalas says he works with the person to go back to the child who was abused, etc. and have them love that child and stand up for the child when they had no one to stand up for them before. It’s a very different approach than what I’ve read before, and I’d be curious to know the stats on how well it has worked for him. Now I just need to figure out how to get the BF to go back in time. LOL.
To read this excellent article, you can find it here.
Filed under: causes, coping, handling stress, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, personality disorders, psychology | Tagged: behaviour problems, causes of passive aggressive, coping with a passive aggressive, dealing with passive aggressive peopl, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse, withholding sex |