Is it Passive Aggression or Communication?

My daughter has informed me she has been told by co-workers that she is passive aggressive. As her mother of course, I feel like this is my fault. From what I understand, she has a habit of leaving notes at work (she is a manager of a restaurant) and has been told this is passive aggressive behavior. I on the other hand taught her growing up, if she had a problem relationship and could not talk to someone without it turning into a yelling match with no one listening, then she should write a letter to express her point of views more succinctly in order to get her point understood. That way any points that may have been misunderstood in the “heat of the moment” may be set right by better communication.

She does not like conflict if she can help it in any way, except when it comes to me. LOL. (Which is why she dislikes it so much with anyone else). I’ll take the blame for that. What has shocked me is the offense people take to you writing a note, even if it’s done politely.  The whole time my kids were growing up I would tell them something several times, and then leave notes as a reminder.

“Empty the dryer vent before you turn on the dryer”

“If you need things for school tomorrow, don’t wait until I am leaving for work tonite to tell me”, you know the stuff.

Now I have my mother and my kids are old enough to drink coffee. I have to leave a note over the coffee pot reminding them and my passive aggressive BF not to make a 3rd pot of coffee with the same coffee filter. The child psychologists say that’s a good thing to do vs. yelling at them all the time. If you ask over and over to no avail, why not leave a note? No getting all upset because once again you have to say the same thing. It’s there in black and white. Easy.

The last time we were at our home on the coast, before we had to sell it, our neighbor once again had taken advantage of our absense, and moved his excess plants, etc. into our carport and yard. I had a “for sale” sign up in the yard and told him on previous occasions we were trying to sell. I asked him nicely not to leave his mess in our yard.  The last time we stayed there for the weekend, I tried and tried to catch him, but it seemed like he was never home. Finally on Sunday when we were getting ready to leave, I left a polite note on his door. I signed it and even put my telephone number on it. Big mistake! He called up yelling at me for leaving a note instead of talking to him face to face. I explained that I had tried to catch him all weekend, but our schedules obviously didn’t coincide. It had nothing to do with not wanting to face him or I wouldn’t have left a phone number.

What is a person supposed to do? It’s not that I am afraid of confrontation. I’m actually pretty good at it even if it’s not always to my benefit. How can people be so upset over a little note? On occassions where the subject is not open to discussion, couldn’t it be a more effective form of communication. Does that make me Passive Aggressive?