My Own Passive Aggressive Paranoia

I am a recovering procrastinator. 

While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological or physiological disorder.

It was the quote above that made me start to wonder how passive aggressive I am. As I research through all the articles and info, I find that procrastination is just one of many symptoms of a passive aggressive. What I was having a problem with was figuring out the difference between a passive aggressive and a procrastinator. Evidently a passive aggressive thinks a deadline is for everyone else but him. A procrastinator like myself recognizes deadlines, but puts off a project to the last minute and then rushes to meet it. Either one is not good. LOL.

“Lulled by a false sense of security, time passes. At some point, he crosses over an imaginary starting time and suddenly realizes, “Oh no! – I am not in control! There isn’t enough time!”

Procrastination is only remotely related to time management, (procrastinators often know exactly what they should be doing, even if they cannot do it), which is why very detailed schedules usually are no help. I’m hoping to prove to myself that I am an exception to this rule. I have started a new planning device online, and so far it does seem to help, especially if I actually look at it and use it.

Another thing that has me paranoid about being a passive aggressive myself is the desire to leave notes. One of my favorite sites is Since I started reading it, I’m afraid to leave a note anywhere! As I wrote in my post “Is It Passive Aggression or Communication?” I don’t know how else to communicate when you’ve mentioned the same thing over and over again.

I just paid my son to come over and clean the microwave. It was so bad it was terribly inefficient because while it’s cooking what I want, it’s cooking all the other junk all over it. He did a beautiful job. It looks good as new. In the past when I have taken my own time to clean it I have asked and asked people (my mother) to clean up anything they splash or spill in it, to no avail. Of course, according to my mother, the other PA in our house besides my BF, she never does anything just gets blamed for everything, so none of it was her. My middle daughter who still lives with us is just oblivious. She moves like a tornado destroying everything in her path and has no idea that she has left liquid from her cup of noodles on the microwave tray or knocked the pictures down from the wall in the hallway as she passes.

It was actually my son who suggested I post a note above the micro to remind people to clean up their messes. I think it’s a great idea, but is my note going to show up someday on for every one to make fun of? I guess it could be worse. I could be a “stalker” and lurk around the microwave to jump on anyone who offends. LOL


4 Responses

  1. I don’t think procrastination means you’re passive aggressive. Everyone procrastinates sometimes!

    I actually don’t procrastinate much, but I’m definitely passive aggressive. I also never leave notes anywhere.

    Passive aggressiveness has that aggressive aspect. There’s hostility, anger and fear in passive aggressive acts, as well as avoidance of responsibility. If there’s no anger, and no desperate need to always be right, I think your procrastination might have another cause.

    However, I think that if you’re around someone who has a mental illness, you can pick up habits from them. I think this is part of my problem. My dad is the most passive aggressive person in the world. (He isn’t a procrastinator at all, either.)

    With mental illnesses, how often you do things matters. Everyone is passive aggressive sometimes, everyone feels down sometimes, everyone is angry sometimes, but if these incidents are rare, it’s not mental illness. It’s just being a normal person. If you do these things every day, then you have a problem. I mean, imagine if your boyfriend watched ESPN all day twice a month, instead of every single day. That would be different, right?

    So, I think the questions to ask yourself aren’t, “do I EVER do these things,” but, “do I ALWAYS do these things?” For me, passive aggressiveness is definitely my conflict style 100% of the time. I can’t fight with someone any other way!

    On a different note, here is a funny video I liked (humor about passive aggression):

  2. Val- thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I don’t really procrastinate out of passive aggressiveness I think, as much as I just have so many things that take priority. (Thinking about your question).

    Oh My Gosh, I watched the YouTube video. First, what a riot, and unfortunately their are probably therapists somewhere giving that advice.
    Secondly, there’s probably somebody somewhere watching that that will take it to heart. LOL. No wonder the divorce rate’s so high.

    Thanks for sharing. It gave me a chuckle. The couple looks sooo happy after therapy. LOL

  3. I have been living with one of these people for 4 years. I almost went nuts because of him. The paranoia that I get from half said sentences, and me constantly having to figure out the true meaning of what he is saying is trouble some. These types also lead double lives. Mine was addicted to bathroom sex in Minneapolis and we all know what happened there. (Larry Craig comes to mind) Anyways I called him out and made him confront it head on. (I also called state troopers and channel 5 news) He is now in group therapy and loves being there. He is around like minded individuals and sucks them off as well. My question is why would psychologists do this? I am supposed to be supportive but I cannot be. So I basically told the psychologist: I am done trying to figure it out. Why don’t you just pin a freaking metal to his lips. I hate passive aggressive people they constantly stand in the way of progress with a me first attitude. I wish they were all locked up. That way they could procrastinate and fantasize all they want all by themselves like they want to anyways.

    • Dan- Welcome! You’ve sure been through your share of it, haven’t you? You’re right. Trying to figure out what is really going on with a passive aggressive and what they truly want can be exhaustive.

      My gosh, I can’t imagine what this therapist is thinking, but if you are split from him, I don’t see why you have to be “supportive” of his behavior or anything else. It sounds like you have definitely reached the point of forgive, and live and let live. Moving on sounds like a good thing. Now you know what else you don’t want in your life. Time to start attracting what you do.
      Good luck and stop by and say “hi” once in awhile. Let us know how it’s going.

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