You bet, and I have proof. In case you haven’t read the first page, my BF and I have been together for almost 9 yrs. If you don’t know a lot about passive aggressives, they’re pretty good on withholding sex, using it as another little “get even” tactic.
The people “in the know” give a couple of reasons for this. Passive Aggressives don’t want to get attached to you. They don’t know how to be intimite. As they feel they may be getting dependent on you, they need to keep their distance. They do that by withholding sex. I’m sorry to say, between life getting in the way and menopause, I have accepted that.
That’s all a story for another time. Let it just suffice to say that we go to bed to sleep. That has become quite the adventure.
Since we first got together, of course being the perfect passive aggressive he is, he warned me he snored. Me, being the open book that I am, told him that was fine. I snored also. I even gave him instructions in case my snoring bothered him. “Just give me a nudge and tell me to turn over. I’m really easy, and I’ll probably never wake up.”
A few months ago I wake up in the middle of the night to “God da** it!” Which woke me right up out of a sound sleep. (You see, we don’t use that in this house, and I’ve been trying to break him). Evidently I was a little restless in my sleep and he wasn’t happy.
A few nites later, it happened again. That night it pissed me off, so we had a bit of a “discussion” right then and there. The next day I started working on moving out of the bedroom. I didn’t make it very far as there isn’t really anywhere else to go in this house comfortably. There again, he appears as the perfect mate. He thought the whole idea of us sleeping in twin beds or my moving to the other room was ridiculous. Did he ever fix the bed so I don’t roll to his side in the nite? No. Did he put the other frame under the bed that has a middle bar to hold up the sagging? No.
His new thing is not wearing anything to bed. The weather’s been nice so I leave the back door open for air, so he pulls all the covers to his side. Now when I go to bed every nite, usually after him, I pull the sheets etc. back over to where it belongs. This is our new nite time ritual. Between him cussing me awake in the middle of the nite, and doing this, I guess I don’t mind it the new way.
If you are putting up with this kind of constant tug-of-war in your house, and I don’t mean just the covers, you may want to consider another way of life with another partner. I put up with it because it’s convenient for me right now. If you don’t know what you’re dealing with, it can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem and confidence. There’s a lot of info on the internet. Take advantage of it. Feel free to leave your comments or experiences. We’re not alone.
Filed under: causes, coping, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders | Tagged: dealing with passive aggressive peopl, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders, sleep disorders, withholding sex |