New Year, Same Old Passive Aggressive

t-shirtHere I am starting the New Year with the same old passive aggressive boyfriend. Like many, I have made my New Year’s Resolutions (although I prefer to look at them as “goals” instead of “resolutions”, hoping that will help me keep them longer). I have also seen where many people declare either a word or a “theme” to live by for the New Year.

I have decided I think, my word or theme shall be “Self”. I am going to be: a little more “Self-loving”, not beat myself up for how other people, namely the passive aggressive, choose to live. I choose to embrace the “three C’s” of Al-Anon which are: I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.

I plan to be a little more “Self-Indulgent”. Get out and start doing a lot more of the things I like to do and seeing more of the people I want to see.

Being more “Self-Reliant”. When the passive aggressive boyfriend and I got together so many years ago, he said he believed the man should do the “man things” of the household like take out trash, do the yard work, etc.  As a response to that, I have found through the years that I have allowed myself to rely on him to do a lot of things I really could do myself. When he doesn’t do them, as we all know most passive aggressives won’t do something when you are relying on them to do it, I would get upset.

I have informed my dear passive aggressive boyfriend that this year, I shall not ask him to do anything I cannot do myself. This will benefit me two-fold. I won’t have to end up being a nag (which I have hated being put in that position), and I won’t keep upsetting myself when he doesn’t do something I’ve asked him to do.

On the things I really do want the passive aggressive to do, I ask him every day to please “don’t forget to…” right now, it’s drain the water heater. I have been asking him for almost a week. I haven’t decided on whether I will warn him I am about to “lose it” if he doesn’t get it done, or I’ll just ask him how many more days he thinks I’ll have to remind him before he’ll do it.

Last, but not least, is “Self-Control”. I am taking control of myself. My life, as much as humanly possible. My self-defeating attitudes, spending more time looking at the positives. There are some positives, just most of the time what those are seem to escape me. LOL.

2013 was a very enlightening year for me. I had a melanoma removed, which lucky for me hadn’t spread. I had an EKG which told my doctor I had had a heart attack at some point, though I didn’t know it. (I hadn’t been to a doctor for an actual check-up or anything since about 2000). I feel like I actually got a second chance, or two second chances, to live. This year I will live healthier, count my blessings more, and learn once again to appreciate who I am.

What’s your plan for 2014? What are you going to do in the New Year with the same old passive aggressive? Or maybe your plan is to prepare not start next year the same way?


Valentine Or Sitting Duck?

heartWhich will you be this year? Will you be the passive aggressive’s Valentine or a sitting duck? To me, this has got to be the passive aggressive’s favorite holiday, right up there with Christmas when it comes to disappointment.

If you and the passive aggressive are on the outs, or you’ve called duck targethim/her out on his/her behavior, this is the perfect time for him/her to sweep you back in. If the passive aggressive is malicious enough, he/she knows how much this day means to you and will use it to hurt you yet one more time.

They say it’s worse to be with someone and still be lonely, than it is to just be alone. I would say that would be the case with most that are married or involved with a passive aggressive. I’ve noticed this year there seems to be a lot of clubs, etc. advertising parties for people who are not someone’s valentine. There’s nothing saying we can’t partake in something like that, celebrating the fact that we’re just alive and full of love ourselves, with or without anyone else.

If you are one in a position that whenever it comes to something special, your passive aggressive lets you down, now is as good a time as any to change that!

pa valentineFirst, don’t expect anything special. This way if he/she screws up it won’t hurt as bad because you weren’t expecting anything special anyhow. If he/she does do something or remembers Valentine’s Day, it will just be icing on the cake, not something you’re depending on.

Second- There’s no law says we can’t do for ourselves what we would have liked someone else to do for us. Pamper yourself. Put everyone on notice you are doing things on this day to love yourself. I know if you have little kids or schedules, there are still things you have to work around, but there’s nothing saying you can’t pick yourself up a bottle of wine, some roses for the bath water, and anything else you want to spoil yourself. Then when you have the time, enjoy it. Remember how much you used to love yourself and how you are so worth it!

Third- You must have single friends or relatives. They probably aren’t loving this day either. See if you can get together for lunch or to do something fun so that you enjoy at least part of your day. It will help going into the evening.

And- If you’re really ambitious, you could bake some cookies and take them to a homeless shelter, or old folks home. Or grab a big bunch of cheap balloons and do the same. To see the light on the faces will fill your heart with so much love, nothing could take that away.

It’s up to you to take the mindset that you need to love yourself. That you are worth loving yourself and being loved by others.  Certainly we can do that for ourselves at least once a year. We have to be pro-active when it comes to the passive aggressive. Otherwise, you’ll just keep drowning.

So, are you going to be a Valentine or a sitting duck?

Valentine’s Day- Passive or Aggressive?

vdaypupHey, I’m still here. LOL. I missed a golden opportunity last Monday (still getting settled from the move and all) so I’m going to ask post holiday. How was your Valentine’s Day? Was your passive aggressive passive? or aggressive?

Our Valentine’s Day here was extremely passive. Actually my passive aggressive boyfriend is usually quite romantic. At least when it comes to flowers or candy, etc. As long as it doesn’t include actually touching. LOL. This year with so much going on, the move, the added expense of a lawyer, etc. we just really didn’t have the money to do a whole lot.

I have to confess also. It’s not like I’m “Red hot Mama” anymore when it comes to anything romantic with him. Fair is fair. I wished him a Happy Valentine’s Day and I’m afraid that’s about as good as it got.

Yeah, I probably could have done something special, but why? It seems a little hypocritical when there’s nothing the rest of the time. Oh boy, I can hear the cynicism in my own voice. LOL.

How about you? Did you make dinner reservations? Receive flowers at work? What was your Valentine’s Day like? I’m willing to live vicariously. LOL. Was your Valentine’s Day passive or aggressive?


How Deceitful Can A Passive Aggressive Be?

For those of you who aren’t familiar with this game, the answer is “I don’t know Ladybeams, how deceitful can a passive aggressive be?” My answer is…”Pretty damn deceitful”.

For those of you who haven’t been with me since the beginning, I’ve always said that even tho my passive aggressive BF was a passive aggressive, the one thing he had going for him was I could trust him. He was honest and did have integrity. I wasn’t worried about him cheating, etc like a lot of the stories I get here.

Boy was I wrong! We have been together, engaged since shortly after we got together, for 11 yrs. going on 12. I just found out a few nights ago that he is still married to what I thought was his ex-wife. Merry Christmas to me! LOL

Here all this time I thought we were having times like Thanksgiving etc. with his kids and ex-wife. It turns out he was having those times with his wife and his girlfriend! How do you keep a secret like that for so friggin’ long? I’m just incredulous!

The person that accidentally spilled the beans says “Oh they don’t feel like they’re married, blah, blah” like that’s supposed to make me feel better. Ha, ha. Of course I had to ask him about it. He did nothing, said nothing, but hung his head like the usual passive aggressive who gets caught at something stupid. Do to timing, etc. I let him know that it wasn’t over. Then today I mentioned that fact that he thought so little of me, not only could he not come up with something to say for himself, but he thought so little of me he didn’t even bother to apologize.

Head hung low, he says he thought of nothing else for the last 24 hours about how terrible of a person he was. I let him know he was right. I did not do the usual “you are not a bad person”. I said yes, you are.

We have basically only been roommates for a long time as it is, so I’m not really sure what I’m going to end up doing about this, other than make him squirm, but I will deal with it after I truly get done processing it, which I haven’t got there yet.

Ho Ho This, You Passive Aggressive

Thank God for radio stations that play nothing but Christmas music for a couple of weeks before Christmas. Thank you to the TV stations that play all the sappy Christmas movies. From all of us that need to be reminded on a continual basis that it’s ’tis the season’ I thank you. LOL. Cuz otherwise you would never know it’s almost Christmas at our house.

2 out of 3 of my kids are due here Wed. The oldest is driving up Christmas morning so she can be here for a few extra days after Christmas (the day after being my birthday =)). All the Christmas decorations are still out in the garage, except for the glasses and mugs I brought in. The outside lights are still laying by the front door, which is where I think they’ve been since I brought them home in June. LOL. Of course now it’s raining, and who wants to hang lights in the rain? I should have mentioned it to him sooner. I guess the day after Thanksgiving wasn’t enough notice. LOL. That’s the one thing I don’t just do myself.

The windows in the only car that’s running fell off their tracks and don’t work. When one of the windows was working, I didn’t nag much about fixing the other one. When they both don’t work, I feel like I’m suffocating. It finally got fixed today, rain or no rain, because yesterday on the passive aggressive BF’s way to work, the passenger side window fell down inside the door. He had to travel the rest of the way to a job about 30 miles away, and all the way home last night in the cold and the rain with no glass in the hole. We covered it last night to protect it, and when there was a break in the weather today he was out there fixing it. No more excuses on this one. LOL.

Hope all of you that celebrate what ever it is you celebrate, are having an enjoyable season. The one thing I haven’t had to deal with is Christmas shoppers. I pick my battles. LOL. I do most from my computer and the rest I am very careful what hours I pick to go where. It’s funny. With as high as unemployment is in this country, shopping shouldn’t be a problem. I’m glad to see so many people are getting along ok.

Would love to hear how things are going for you. I know even under the best of circumstances this time of year brings along a bit of stress. OK everyone, take a deep breath, and go for it! LOL

Passive Aggressive’s Aren’t All Bad. LOL.

Okay, so I harp on how much my passive aggressive annoys me, etc. so I am going to take this one time to say that this passive aggressive isn’t all bad. I’ve learned there are 2 things that work for him, sports and cooking.

I have to say a special “Thank you” to him for saving my butt yesterday and it turned out to be absolutely great. Wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t taken some initiative.

We were going to his kid’s for Thanksgiving, but before we went I had promised dressing for the church Thanksgiving dinner. I ended up having to go to the store (I had forgotten butter) and it took longer than expected. By the time I got home he had all the veggies cut and the broth going for the stuffing. I gave him the margarine, he told me to go get my shower, and by the time I was out he had it all done.

Now mind you, I didn’t expect him to do anything. I would have been really pissed if he hadn’t, but I didn’t expect it.

So, just for yesterday, or today, for all my griping and complaining, once again the passive aggressive saved my butt for the holiday dinner. You can always tell if you hit on something they like, which he loves to cook and all the kudos that go with it. Passive aggressive’s aren’t all bad.

(Don’t worry. I’ll be back to normal tomorrow. lol)

Holidays- A Passive Aggressive’s Paradise

fireworksI feel like I owe each of you an apology. I should have warned everyone ahead of time that holidays are a passive aggressive’s paradise. I hope each of you survived the 4th, or for my friends in Canada, the 1st of July. I don’t know about Canada, but for most of us here in the states, the 4th turned into a 3 day weekend, which when you’re involved with a passive aggressive can be way too much time off.

While many of you might not think about the 4th of July as a holiday like you do Thanksgiving or Christmas, it is still a time for the passive aggressive to take center stage in “forgetting”, procrastinating, and anything else that has to do with sabotaging any holiday plans you may have.  Usually I try to put up a pre-holiday reminder to expect this and things to do to keep our cool when it happens. This year, maybe because the passive aggressive BF had Fri. off instead of Monday, I missed it.  Sorry.

For me, as usual when I want something to go exactly as planned, I did all the BBQing and did the salads, etc. The only thing I asked of my passive aggressive was to go pick up charcoal because it’s in twin bags and heavy. Told him exactly where to go and let him know how much it was going to cost. Friday went by, Saturday went by, finally Sunday I asked him again to please go pick it up as I needed it to BBQ that night, and Monday he would be back to work and not feel like picking it up. What I forgot to mention was lighter fluid as to me the two go hand in hand, thankfully we had enough to get through the weekend.

How did you all do? If you celebrate the holiday (US or Canada) have you learned how true the old adage is “if you want things done right, do them yourself”? Or are you one of the lucky ones whose passive aggressive actually helps fulfill holiday plans? Feel free to share in the comments below.