Random Thoughts About The Passive Aggressive

I hope everyone survived Valentine’s Day ok without a lot of tears, etc. Just in case I thought I would post a few random thoughts about the passive aggressive.

Yesterday on AOL they had “13 cards you wish you could send your ex”. Here are a couple of them I thought were especially good. goodbye cardsgoodbye cards

 

For those who have made it through

 

 

 

For those making the decision

 

 

 

 

And last but not least, for the rest of us. LOL. (Please excuse the language).

I'm ok

I was glad to see yesterday some attitudes toward Valentine’s Day are changing. We had a couple of comments here where people were finding other ways and other people to give love to instead of relying on their passive aggressive to come through with something special. Even my own daughter had a less cynical outlook than usual (unmarried at 30).

Hope one of these at least brought a little smile to your face. Have a great day.

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13 Yrs. With The Passive Aggressive And Counting

celebrating our anniversary

Flowers, candy, prime rib

I celebrated 13 yrs. with the Passive Aggressiveboyfriend a couple of months ago. When I started this blog many, many, posts and comments ago, I would read comments from women who had gone through misery being with a passive aggressive for 20, 30, and more years. I wondered how they stood it. Now I know. Time just keeps on ticking and before you know it, you’re looking at more time behind you than in front of you!

I have taken a break over the last few months trying to get my life in order, clean up lose ends, and see if my not complaining to you here would make any difference in how I looked at things. Maybe I would be more positive, etc. Instead, I have found myself closer to violence than I’ve ever been. LOL. I told you in the beginning the only way to survive being with a passive aggressive was with a sense of humor. In the turmoil of the last couple of years, I think I lost some of that.

The Passive Aggressive must have been getting it that I was close to the end as he has become extremely helpful with my mother, although acts like he’s put out at the slightest deviation from routine.

The PA boyfriend doesn’t really ever say anything when he’s annoyed, but he has this habit of lifting his neck way up and turning his head around, almost like a chicken. I’ve been calling him on this and the way he looks at me at times when I say something, typical passive aggressive behavior, and he claims not to know what I’m talking about. “What look? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

This weekend my middle daughter got married. The PA boyfriend pulled that “neck thing” on me a couple of times before we ever left the house, the typical passive aggressive behavior. I guess I probably should have warned him how that was getting to me, but I didn’t. I thought once we got to the wedding I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I can hear you out there saying “Wrong!” You’re right. He did it again at the wedding when I had asked him to do something, or told him something we needed to do, he pulled that neck thing, and if I had been close enough I would have knocked his head clean off! LOL. And he knew it!

So here I am my friends, back sharing opinions and hopefully giving helpful suggestions, and finding another way to let go of my anger in a way that won’t send me to jail. LOL

Passive Aggressive Quest For Freedom!

OMGosh! Time has flown by so fast and I have been so involved (in myself I’m sorry to say) that I cannot believe how long it’s been since I put up a new post. I will confess that I have been very focused on getting things squared away here, so I have been neglectful in other areas. I am almost caught up, plus a friend of mine is hell bent on putting together a schedule for himself, and including me and a schedule for myself, so…

In the meantime…I am living in 110-115 degree weather and trying to keep my indoor-outdoor cat in the house because he could have a “kitty stroke”. So what does the passive aggressive boyfriend do? Talk to me through the sliding glass door when I’m outside, and act totally surprised when he lets the cat out. He is smart enough to know that if the cat dies, he’s next. LOL. So much for that passive aggressive tendency.

I have found a new church home down here. It took awhile, but I think I’m ready to plug in and get going on something outside of cyberspace that’s outside of me. Of course the passive aggressive boyfriend won’t be part of it, but I don’t care. He says he doesn’t believe and after all these years I’m still not sure if that’s a bunch of BS or he really doesn’t believe, but that’s his problem. In the meantime I’m finally starting to make new friends which will definitely help with a new life.

The passive aggressive boyfriend has been a little friendly lately. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve had any “intimacy” (sex) so I think he’s finally getting a little tired of “amusing” himself. I don’t think he realizes that this passive aggressive “used to be” victim isn’t the same female he got together with years ago. Oh well. I’m just wondering now when to have “the talk”. I think it’s time he understood exactly where we stand.

Now, the real shocker, what I’ve been thinking about lately as I prepare my life to have no crap. I’m thinking I’m 57 yrs. old with a 64 yr. old passive aggressive. I’m thinking I still have a whole life ahead of me, BUT, right now the last man I was married to was a Canadian. I cannot collect Social Security here. I am actually considering marrying the passive aggressive because 1) if anything happens to him medically, I’m the only one that knows anything about him and his sons are going to be asking me anyway 2)I can collect his social security if any thing happens to him. I think after being involved with the passive aggressive for the last 12 yrs., I’ve earned it. LOL. Haven’t really decided either way yet.

What would you say? If I really believe there is life after the passive aggressive, then do I really need to go there?

After Leaving The Passive Aggressive…

Good morning! I don’t know if you’re like me, but I have a song for just about everything I do in life. Marg submitted the video and lyrics below, and I thought it was so appropriate, I decided to re-post it here. Enjoy=)

Lyrics-
“Somebody That I Used To Know”
(feat. Kimbra)

[Gotye:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
And you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

[x2]
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you’re just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to know)
Somebody

Moving Along, Dragging the Passive Aggressive Behind Me

Since last updating, I am practicing what I was preaching. Still working on taxes, I have been going to the gym about every other day and then taking a dip in the pool, which is just like heaven to me. For about an hour or so fitness is all I think about, or I take my cassette player and earphones and listen to something uplifting while I work out. Either way, I’m not thinking about him or us. I’m also fortunate in the way that I have a good friend that sort of holds me accountable, even tho he’s far away, so that gives me even more motivation.

Which speaking of “us”, there really isn’t much of an “us” anymore. We are definitely just roommates trying to survive. The Passive aggressive has the bedroom, I sleep on the couch. I still look over his shoulder every time he gets the mail as I can’t trust him as far as I can throw him. I’ve grown weary of his passive aggressive surprises.

The PA finally got an unemployment payment. They’re set up on debit cards now instead of getting a check. When the PA boyfriend got his debit card, it didn’t tell him how much was on there. He needed to activate the card and then he could check his balance. I asked him a couple of times to verify that he got paid for both weeks and he hadn’t done it, so I gathered together the bills that were due immediately, told him he needed to put $20. in the checking account to cover a check I had written, and dumped everything in his passive aggressive lap.

I felt so good doing that, that for the first time in ages I had so much energy I couldn’t figure out where it all came from. I didn’t even need a nap that day and went until about 11:00 that night. Of course I had to teach him how to pay a couple of things, but that was okay. I was out from under everything. We’ve had a little discussion since then and he says “we only have so much money left. We can’t pay blah, blah”. I said “Welcome to my world! Guess you better figure it out.” It’s so nice not being the only one to worry about this stuff!

The PA did go for a job interview the other day. As always, he thought it went well. I’d give anything to be a fly on the wall during one of these interviews. I often wonder if the PA tells the interviewer the same types of things he tells me, “I’ve never done that before”-type crap. I’ve gotten now where whenever he says that I just tell him “Doesn’t mean you can’t do it”. Positive thoughts and prayers for him getting hired would be appreciated.

First Steps Out of The Passive Aggressive Rut…

After all that’s happened between me and the passive aggressive boyfriend, for me the very first step to getting back my strength and my life, is prayer. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all preachy on you, just that is how it is for me. Feeling the presence of God, reading the strengthening verses in the Bible…I know I’m not alone.

I’ve been reading positive books just to keep my outlook above water. The book I happened to be reading at the time was “I Can, You Can Too” by Mamie McCullough. It’s great! Her mascot is the bee, because aerodynamically, the way it’s built body-wise, it should be impossible for the bee to fly. Guess someone forgot to tell the bee. LOL. She also believes no matter what your circumstances, no one has ever seen an “I can’t”, but you can print labels from her websiteto make your own “I (eye)Can” labels. They fit perfect around a soup can and I keep one on my desk to remind me “I can!” Just fill in your name and email. I have not received any “junk mail” from her, so don’t worry.

The third thing I did to get myself out of the passive aggressive victim’s rut was get outside of myself. Even if you’re wheelchair bound, you can volunteer to do something for someone else, be it making phone calls, writing grants, etc. There are many non-profit organizations begging for volunteers. Surely you can find something, and the reward you feel and the freedom of stepping away from your own troubles for awhile is phenomenal. I know I still come home to the same crap, but for a little while I can concentrate on someone else’s problems.

Next, I’ve been putting stuff for sale on Craig’s List. A guy came by to buy something the other day and walked away with 4 things, 3 of which I hadn’t even advertised. If you see it laying around and I’m not using it, make an offer, it’s yours. LOL.

The other thing I’m cleaning up is old “loose ends”. For me, that’s taxes that haven’t been filed. They actually owe me money, they just don’t know it yet. The State has “guesstimated” my income based on the fact that I carry a license, not actual income, and has filed a lien against me. Obviously this isn’t a help credit-wise, so I’m fixing it. It’s also another place I’ll be able to pull money from, although I filed the PA’s taxes and he got a letter Saturday that he just showed me yesterday. They took his whole refund and applied it to his VA bill. Great!

And last but not least, I joined the fitness center where we are. I need to lose some of this weight, and don’t ever underestimate the power of those little endorphins that get turned loose when you exert yourself a little. If your circumstances don’t make you feel good then you need to find something that makes you happy, even for a short while. This too ads to your inner strength. No matter what your circumstances, even bed ridden, there are probably exercises you could or should be doing. Put on a little of your favorite music and get movin’. LOL

How To Tell If A Passive Aggressive Is Lying…

I have come to the conclusion if you want to know if a passive aggressive is lying, you just have to see their lips are moving. (Judge Judy says the same about teenage children. LOL)

I thought my passive aggressive boyfriend (roommate) had pretty much done the worst he could do when he hadn’t told me after being together for 11 yrs. that he was still married, but with a passive aggressive the “hits just keep on coming”.

Any of you who have been with me for any length of time know we just moved down to SoCal recently. When we got down here the PA’s employer decided they didn’t have any work for him down here, so I told him to file for unemployment. Of course that took some time, and some nagging, but he finally did it. While we’re trying to get some work going down here, and he’s supposedly looking for work, we’ve been living on my mother’s social security. As you can imagine, it’s not much for 3 people with bad habits. LOL. Any money from unemployment would be a plus.

They say in California it takes about 10 days to start drawing benefits. OK. I’m resourceful. We can live until then. So, after 10 days I am checking the mailbox, getting on the passive aggressive to call the benefits office to find out where his check is. Every day he tells me he can’t get through, not on the recorder number and not on the main number. He actually has me listen because I can’t believe that you can’t get through on a recorded number that is supposed to give information 24/7.

Finally, the passive aggressive gets up one morning, bright and early and drives to an office in another town a short ways from us. He comes back and tells me they’ve docked him 5 weeks because they are saying he’s the one that terminated employment. I ask him if he explained circumstances, etc. He says he did but they didn’t care.

When the second person I told about this mentioned an appeal process, I decided to look into it myself. I pull up the info on how to appeal and it says you have 20 days from the “Determination Letter” you receive from them. So I start asking the PA if he ever got this letter. He’s hem-hawing around, and finally asks me why. I explain I’m working on an appeal, and he finally breaks forth with the truth.

All this time while I’m checking the mailbox and on his butt to call the unemployment office, he had received a determination letter that said they were docking him 5 weeks because he got overpaid in April 2010. It had absolutely nothing to do with his employer. He had already appealed, without me knowing it, and he didn’t want to tell me because he “didn’t want to complicate things any further”.

I came unglued!! Complicate things any further? So it’s easier letting me think there’s a check coming that isn’t, and lying to me every day about not knowing why it’s not here? Instead of telling me it’s not coming and letting me figure something else out, just let me keep hoping every single day it was in the mail?

I must have called him everything in the book, language I haven’t used in a long time came spilling out of my mouth. (Going to church today to ask for forgiveness. LOL). I told him it was obvious he had absolutely no integrity, which I should have known after the “wife” incident, but I never guessed that he was still lying straight to my face, about our every day life!

I told him to go home to his eldest son’s. Of course I know that won’t happen right now, and I really don’t want it to right now until I have a little more income on my end coming in, but this definitely did it. We are through! From now on it will be my total concentration to figure how to make extra cash, where I can pull money from to put in savings, all building to a life without him. I’ll get there.