Valentine Or Sitting Duck?

heartWhich will you be this year? Will you be the passive aggressive’s Valentine or a sitting duck? To me, this has got to be the passive aggressive’s favorite holiday, right up there with Christmas when it comes to disappointment.

If you and the passive aggressive are on the outs, or you’ve called duck targethim/her out on his/her behavior, this is the perfect time for him/her to sweep you back in. If the passive aggressive is malicious enough, he/she knows how much this day means to you and will use it to hurt you yet one more time.

They say it’s worse to be with someone and still be lonely, than it is to just be alone. I would say that would be the case with most that are married or involved with a passive aggressive. I’ve noticed this year there seems to be a lot of clubs, etc. advertising parties for people who are not someone’s valentine. There’s nothing saying we can’t partake in something like that, celebrating the fact that we’re just alive and full of love ourselves, with or without anyone else.

If you are one in a position that whenever it comes to something special, your passive aggressive lets you down, now is as good a time as any to change that!

pa valentineFirst, don’t expect anything special. This way if he/she screws up it won’t hurt as bad because you weren’t expecting anything special anyhow. If he/she does do something or remembers Valentine’s Day, it will just be icing on the cake, not something you’re depending on.

Second- There’s no law says we can’t do for ourselves what we would have liked someone else to do for us. Pamper yourself. Put everyone on notice you are doing things on this day to love yourself. I know if you have little kids or schedules, there are still things you have to work around, but there’s nothing saying you can’t pick yourself up a bottle of wine, some roses for the bath water, and anything else you want to spoil yourself. Then when you have the time, enjoy it. Remember how much you used to love yourself and how you are so worth it!

Third- You must have single friends or relatives. They probably aren’t loving this day either. See if you can get together for lunch or to do something fun so that you enjoy at least part of your day. It will help going into the evening.

And- If you’re really ambitious, you could bake some cookies and take them to a homeless shelter, or old folks home. Or grab a big bunch of cheap balloons and do the same. To see the light on the faces will fill your heart with so much love, nothing could take that away.

It’s up to you to take the mindset that you need to love yourself. That you are worth loving yourself and being loved by others.  Certainly we can do that for ourselves at least once a year. We have to be pro-active when it comes to the passive aggressive. Otherwise, you’ll just keep drowning.

So, are you going to be a Valentine or a sitting duck?


7 Responses

  1. I was a sitting duck for years and it got worse and worse. His PA became blatant control and abuse and I left him.
    I consider the day I left him (at the end of August ’11) to be a great big Valentine to myself. And although I haven’t been with anyone since (because it’s important ‘me-time’ to get my head back on straight and not bring any baggage to a HEALTHY relationship), these past two years, I have been my own Valentine and also give token gifts to those around me, whether it be a chocolate heart or share a glass of pink champagne. My granny is 88 years old and lost her sweetheart 25 years ago. She’s made me a lot of fried balogna sandwiches, loaned me money, even went into her savings to help pay for the retainer for my divorce lawyer, and she is helping keep a roof over my head, so she’s getting something special.
    To me, Valentine’s Day is less about couple-hood than about expressing love and gratitude to those who have expressed it to me, or to someone who looks like they could use a little joy. So that’s my privilege to participate in, tomorrow.

    • castingpearls7- What a wonderful attitude, and I’m sure your grandmother appreciates whatever you do for her. It’s so nice when we’re able to start looking outside ourselves into what joy we can spread somewhere else. Allowing yourself healing and grieving time is so smart before rushing into anything. Sounds like you’re definitely on the right track!

  2. I am my own valentine. And it did take many years to love myself. I am just about to get out of my 21 year marriage. Yes, it is sad but I will be able to live a happier healthier life!!!!!!

    • Rose- Congratulations on your soon to be freedom. Once you’ve gone the full circle back to truly loving yourself, I don’t know how anyone can stay in a passive aggressive situation. It’s funny, we wouldn’t want anyone to abuse our best friend the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

      I’m happy for you. I’m sure big doors will be opening for you in the future. Be sure and keep in touch and let us know how you’re doing.

  3. Hi Rose 🙂 Same here…I am my own Valentine too…24 years married to a huge PA, but I’m definitely learning to love myself too ❤ Wishing you a fantastic Valentine's Day 🙂

  4. Ladybeams, great great blog 🙂 I don’t feel so alone now 🙂

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