Changes In The Passive Aggressive Household 2013

celebrate 2013Happy New Year everyone! I hope most of you made it through the holidays unscathed and are now ready to take control of yourself (your life) if nothing else. Something about a new slate for a new year definitely renews the energy, even if it has been several new slates over several new years. Even after all this time, I still have hope. LOL. As Joyce Meyers says “Sure the grass looks greener on the other side, but sooner or later you’re going to have to mow that lawn too.”

Things are about the same with the passive aggressive boyfriend around here. Same little petty stuff. Same passive aggressive behavior. I have gotten much better on calling him on the just so stupid, really blatant stuff. It doesn’t change a whole lot, but he knows I know, and he hasn’t gotten anything over on  me. Some of the things he was soooo blatant on, he’s been trying to correct and not be so obvious, but you know what they say about a lepeord changing his spots. LOL.

I don’t know what the outcome will be from this, but I have turned over the household finances to him. Yep. It’s time the passive aggressive got to stress and worry and figure it out, just like I have all these years. I hear a few of you out there who have “been there, done that” and ended up with a disaster on your hands, but I’m quite optimistic.

Since the passive aggressive is back on unemployment, our great state in all it’s wisdom puts his unemployment money on an ATM card for him instead of mailing a check. Shortly after he got his first money put on the card, I couldn’t help but notice that he hoarded that card as if it was gold plated. That gave me the perfect opportunity to hand over the bills that needed to be paid.

We all know what it’s like to get a passive aggressive spouse, boyfriend, or whatever, do something they don’t want to do. We have been going on this way for about 3 or 4 months now, yet every month I have to “teach” him how to pay each bill. Of course I know the typical passive aggressive behavior would be that he’ll “misplace” bills, forget to pay them, etc. I have an answer for that. The PA knows I keep an index file for tax purposes, so when he pays each bill, he brings me the receipts. If I give him the bills and I don’t get a receipt within a couple of days, I start asking for it. Trust me, there’s a lot less stress just asking for the receipts than it was shuffling everything around. Plus I have a bonus. Because he won’t let go of the card, he grocery shops and cooks most of the time.  SCORE! LOL.

Ok, your turn. How were your holidays (if you celebrate). Rant if you need to. What do you plan for 2013. I changed the poll over on the right hand side.  The answers to the last poll were:

Why Do You Stay W/A PA?

Love  30.14%  (88 votes)

Parent  15.75%  (46 votes)

Finances  38.36%  (112 votes)

health  1.37%  (4 votes)

fear  14.38%  (42 votes)
Total Votes: 292

 

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3 Responses

  1. Happy New Year, Ladybeams!!

    I have been reading your site for a long time and I have learned so much. Thank you for offering so much information and support.

    My biggest plan for 2013 is to finally be divorced from the PA in my life!! We have been together 26 years, married for 23 and my two children and I have been tormented and terrorized long enough.

    2012 was spent understanding what it was about me that attracted such a person in the first place and changing the behaviors that contributed to the destruction of the marriage – severe co-dependency on my part. Once I started to change everything fell into place. I was finally able to admit that I didn’t like him, love him, need him or want him. So liberating!!!

    We are just in the beginning stages of negotiating the divorce settlement and our first court date is this Tuesday, but I am hoping everything will be finalized by my birthday in June.

    Can’t think of a better gift!!

    • Mel- God Bless! Happy New Year, New You! I hope things go well through your settlement, etc. Just remember, sometimes when they find out that you are for real, they turn from pleasant to very bitter and nasty. If you’re prepared for that, he won’t catch you off guard and you won’t respond to his tactics the way he wants you to.

      Hope to hear more good news soon. Good luck!

  2. In 2000 we bought a new computer which had MS Money. I was so excited! I set up all the accounts and started using it. Unfortunately, in a world with debit/credit cards that meant I needed my husband to keep the receipts when he spent money. I told him this, I told him why and started asking for his receipts. It was a nightmare. I was understanding for a few months since it takes a while for things to become a habit. However, MONTHS went by and he would “forget” or “throw away” over 75% of his receipts. I’d sit down to reconcile the checkbook and I’d just want to scream. I even explained to him (like he was a fricking child) that the point of reconciling a statement was to verify the banks records and look for errors, NOT to use the banks records as a substitute for our own.

    Did that work? Of course not! This went on, and I kid you not, for TWO years. Eventually I gave up and used what I had. However, don’t get me started on budgets and the fact he ignored everyone I made and just went to the ATM and spent money whenever he felt like it. ARGH…it was so crazy-making!!! All I wanted was a partnership and it’s like he kept throwing sand in the gears just because he could.

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