13 Yrs. With The Passive Aggressive And Counting

celebrating our anniversary

Flowers, candy, prime rib

I celebrated 13 yrs. with the Passive Aggressiveboyfriend a couple of months ago. When I started this blog many, many, posts and comments ago, I would read comments from women who had gone through misery being with a passive aggressive for 20, 30, and more years. I wondered how they stood it. Now I know. Time just keeps on ticking and before you know it, you’re looking at more time behind you than in front of you!

I have taken a break over the last few months trying to get my life in order, clean up lose ends, and see if my not complaining to you here would make any difference in how I looked at things. Maybe I would be more positive, etc. Instead, I have found myself closer to violence than I’ve ever been. LOL. I told you in the beginning the only way to survive being with a passive aggressive was with a sense of humor. In the turmoil of the last couple of years, I think I lost some of that.

The Passive Aggressive must have been getting it that I was close to the end as he has become extremely helpful with my mother, although acts like he’s put out at the slightest deviation from routine.

The PA boyfriend doesn’t really ever say anything when he’s annoyed, but he has this habit of lifting his neck way up and turning his head around, almost like a chicken. I’ve been calling him on this and the way he looks at me at times when I say something, typical passive aggressive behavior, and he claims not to know what I’m talking about. “What look? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

This weekend my middle daughter got married. The PA boyfriend pulled that “neck thing” on me a couple of times before we ever left the house, the typical passive aggressive behavior. I guess I probably should have warned him how that was getting to me, but I didn’t. I thought once we got to the wedding I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I can hear you out there saying “Wrong!” You’re right. He did it again at the wedding when I had asked him to do something, or told him something we needed to do, he pulled that neck thing, and if I had been close enough I would have knocked his head clean off! LOL. And he knew it!

So here I am my friends, back sharing opinions and hopefully giving helpful suggestions, and finding another way to let go of my anger in a way that won’t send me to jail. LOL


4 Responses

  1. Create your own “neck thing” and do it constantly to him!!!!

  2. I feel your pain. 30 years with mine. Since the realization 10 years ago, I find myself coming out if my numbness and detachment toward him with a fury I didn’t know I had. I find myself wanting to do PA things to HIM! Not good. Working on ways to get free. I have lupus and a low paying job. He’s in counseling. Guess I need anger management. If you’re not married, what’s keeping you with him? It isn’t curable.

  3. Hello Ladybeams,

    I am the child of a pa dad. I completely understand the anger, as the house I grew up in was filled with the toxic atmosphere of anger that refused to be resolved and had no where to go.

    I have written to your blog before about my dad and in reply you urged me not to pick up pa behaviours myself. Now I can return the favour and remind you not to allow yourself to stoop to his level, nor allow him to press your buttons, you are better than that. I understand how tempting it is to give him his own back and how frustrating it is to be around pa crap.

    I am still dealing with a lot of anger and hurt and it isn’t easy, but it is worth all the pain to be able to move on and I need my energy for me, not to be tied up in stupid, unnecessary and ultimatley unresolvable conflict. I cannot afford to have someone like that in my life taking pot shots and it is sad that my own father is so covertly abusive. It’s his problem, not mine.

    Ignore him and take care of yourself. I really hope that you find your sense of humour again. 🙂

  4. My earlier response to ‘create your own neck thing and do it to him’ is a humorous way to say” see -this is how stupid you look”. I imitate my husband’s strange behaviors because I find it helps to show him how he looks to others and also to laugh at how stupid he looks or sounds. I don’t think it is lowering to his level…that is pretty low-don’t think there is oxygen that low-maybe sulfur and fire. He knows what I think of his PA ways and it doesn’t phase him one bit…but I get to release my tension and be humorous at the same time. We have to keep living ladies!! Don’t let these men steal the joy in our lives!

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