I got a new taste of what it’s like to be in a relationship with a passive aggressive last week. The passive aggressive as a caregiver. Considering how lacking in relationship skills most passive aggressives are, doesn’t this sound interesting? LOL.
I am full caregiver for my 80 yr. old mother and partial caregiver to my 80 yr. old neighbor. Last week my back completely gave out, and the passive aggressive boyfriend had to take over. Except for forcing myself through the pain to go to the bathroom, I was totally bedridden for three and a half days. On the fourth, I started making myself walk a little, as I had read if you rest too long you actually put yourself in a worse position as far as weakness, than you were in to start with. Not only that, but I really needed to be back on my feet.
I have to say that if it weren’t for my PA boyfriend, I don’t know what we would have done. Luckily, one day he didn’t have any work scheduled, and then the next 2 days he called in as we were in no shape to be left alone.
He did quite well. He took care of my mother’s and my needs, basically, checked in on my girlfriend a couple of times a day, did the grocery shopping and cooked delicious dinners while I was down. Believe me, between the 2 older ladies and me, he was kept hoppin’, but God Bless him. He did it. LOL.
A passive aggressive just cannot help but let some of that passive aggressive behavior out somewhere when he/she is doing something they resent. They just can’t. When I have to be to any kind of meeting, etc. and the passive aggressive boyfriend has to serve my mother a meal, once she is served he never goes back unless she calls for him. He doesn’t check on her to see if she needs anything. He doesn’t get her dishes and bring them out to the kitchen.
One of the ways I get my mother to get up and sit in her chair instead of laying in bed all of the time, is to bribe her with a cigarette. You would think with all her time in hospitals where she couldn’t smoke, she would have quit for good, but not her. LOL. (C’mon, she’s 80. How much more damage can 3 cigs a day do to her? It’s one of the few pleasures she has left). When the PA boyfriend gives her her cigarette, he lets her just sit at the side of her bed, which really doesn’t do her any good. I’ve let him know that she needs the exercise of getting up and down in her chair, but I guess he figures he won’t have to take care of her, so who cares? So she had almost a week of him caring for her where she never had to get up. Thank goodness we’re back on track now.
The other thing is the toilet. We have warred over who will put on the new roll of toilet paper, whether he puts down the seat or I put it up, etc. (At one time the war got so bad when his son was here about leaving the seat up, between the two of them I just started putting it up after I was done each time. LOL) When I hurt my back so bad, the last thing I could do was bend over without feeling like I was going to break in half. The passive aggressive boyfriend’s new thing was to not only put the toilet seat down, but the lid also. There was no way I could bend over to lift it. I screamed for him over and over. I even said once or twice about not getting him to put the toilet seat down most of the time, now I couldn’t get him to leave the lid up! Sure enough, the first morning I was actually getting close to normal, he left the seat up.
They just can’t help themselves, I’m telling ya! LOL. All in all, I would have to say he was quite good, and having a passive aggressive as a caregiver I’m sure could have been a lot worse. I just think I would rather not have that experience again.
Filed under: coping, examples of passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse | Tagged: examples of passive aggressive behavior, living with a passive aggressive, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive caregiver, passive aggressive relationships |