Problem Solving With The Passive Aggressive

Problem solving with the passive aggressive, their answer? Wait long enough someone or something else will take care of it.

I just realized looking at my posting, it seems my life has so gotten in the way that I’ve only been posting about once a month lately, although I have approved comments and made some comments of my own more often than that. I cannot believe how life just passes one by so fast, and so much time I can never get back.

Hear that people? Every day that you spend being miserable is a day you will never get back! Scary thought isn’t it? Especially when you think about the fact that we all have an “expiration date” even if we don’t know when it is. What would you do if the date on the bottom of your foot was, oh let’s say, 9/15/2011 (because we know almost everything is the first, the middle, or the end of the month. LOL)?

Okay, so on with what I was here to talk about. (I am still here, lurking in the shadows, paying attention. Oh, wait a minute, that sounds kind of creepy. LOL)

For those of you who had read my post about “How Deceitful Can A Passive Aggressive Be?” about my passive aggressive boyfriend not telling me for 11 yrs. that he was still married, that problem has been solved.

I wish I could say by him, but that’s not the case. He, in his typical passive aggressive behavior fashion, never did a thing to set things right after I found out the truth. Unfortunately, his wife passed away a couple of weeks ago. He’s at a memorial for her today. I say unfortunately because I actually liked her. I knew her before I knew he and her even knew each other, let alone had been married. I would have gone also, but I have a lady I watch out for that was expected home from the hospital today, and I have my mother here with me, which I could not leave for that extended length of time. One of the reasons they had split was because she had cheated on him, amongst other things. I have since learned a couple of other females he had been very involved with had left also. While anyone who has read my blog for any length of time knows I don’t condone cheating, with “walking in her shoes” I do understand it.

He has told his kids he needs a copy of the death certificate. My curiosity has me wondering what he plans to do with it. I am surprised he even thought enough to do that. As you all know, the passive aggressive doesn’t usually think that far ahead.

Now, where do I stand? Do I want to marry him if he should be dumb enough to ask? The answer would be an obvious “no”. It’s too late now. He should have married me before I put the “I can see you’re very passive aggressive” glasses on. LOL. (The rose-colored ones wore out).

But, at the same time, I’m having a hard time because I’ve been “living in sin” for 11 yrs. At the same time, we don’t have sex, rarely even sleep in the same bed, so is that the same as really “living in sin”? I’ve told him and you how we’re really just roommates. (If you live with someone and you’re not married, I am not against that. I am not judging anyone here. This is my own thing). Who would really be dumb enough to actually marry a passive aggressive when they know that’s what they are? NOT! LOL.

So we go on as we are, until things are situated and he can go his way and I can go mine. Like many of you who feel trapped by finances, etc. I understand completely, but he does know, or at least I’ve told him, once things are taken care of, we’re done. In the meantime he buries his proverbial passive aggressive head in the sand as if everything is just fine.

What worries me is there are a couple of things I have to count on him for, so will he make excuses because he knows that? Or will he try harder hoping to make up for the passive aggressive behavior in the past? So far it’s not looking so good. LOL

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One Response

  1. “What worries me is there are a couple of things I have to count on him for, so will he make excuses because he knows that? Or will he try harder hoping to make up for the passive aggressive behavior in the past?”
    **************************************************************

    My dear ladybeams……Of course he will try harder, but it’s not to change, it’s to get his way out of- or simply get his way- with any situation he faces. As long as he is comfortable and someone else does it “for” him, he’s fine. It’s when you put demands on him (even though to you they are simple “requests”) he will go into the PA mode and agree to do whatever it is to assuage you. That’s where we all get fooled, because we all want to believe in the goodness of others and that they are doing things because they want to do them for you. Having discernment in any relationship is a difficult thing, but it is necessary no matter who it is.

    I am not saying to not trust others, but since we all have had our hearts really stepped on by a PA, we are at a disadvantage in that “trust” issue. I know I was. I’m working on it by being more outspoken.
    Hang in there, stick to your word about going your separate ways if you feel that is what you want (your first kindness to yourself). People will take you more seriously if you do that! They will see you as more authentic in what you say and then do things for you only if they want to out of the kindness of their hearts.
    It only gets harder if you don’t.

    You remember me..(jmarie).I divorced my PA and now he is doing everything possible to pull me back in to a relationship. The divorce was vicious, I had a lousey attorney who turned out to have problems himself –I fired him and even he did the PA “pulling back in” thing…and I was figuratively raped in the mediation room. (word of advice to all who think a PA will mediate….they won’t). And if you have the kind of attorney I had, they won’t fight for you. PA’s are only out for themselves. Their promises are hollow and you can’t believe a word they utter.
    Since the final, two other attorneys and a financial advisor have told me the divorce was NOT equitable.. Like I didn’t already know that, but all I wanted was to be rid of the effects of the PA on me. At the time I was weak, scared, wishing he cared enough for me to change…(wrong mind set).
    I had to fight for everything I got and now I face life with a new clarity. I have joked to my friends that I want them to watch out for a really good shopping cart I can live out of. NO, it’s not that bad, but had I not fought so hard even in my weak state at the time, it could have been…and if I can’t get work now…it will be in time.
    Regardless, my suggestion for anyone “thinking” of divorcing a PA: Practice the strengthening exercises of putting boundaries and limitations on him and let him deal with the consequences…and as Peggy has said: “Let it be between him and the _______” (you fill in the blank). Don’t bail him out. Don’t manage- and for heaven’s sake- Don’t teach! If he hasn’t learned how to do things by now, that’s his problem. 20 years of a marriage and he still doesn’t understand how to use the washing machine..GEEZ…I’m done and should have been done a long time ago, but as we all know, living with a PA is not a “normal” relationship, and they make sure you become how they want you to be. It’s all about them, right? NOT. When you realize you deserve better, that is where your strength starts and usually that is where you begin to question what YOU want and need..Many heartfelt wishes that all regain the strength you’ve lost.
    Later
    jmarie

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