Examples Of Passive Aggressive Behavior #9

Yes I have more examples of passive aggressive behavior and just how crazy they can make you. LOL.

When the passive aggressive boyfriend went to work with this company, he got 2 company shirts as a “uniform”. It took almost 2 months for him to find out if he wanted any more than 2 we were going to have to buy them. The company doesn’t supply them. It was probably almost 2 weeks ago I told him to go ahead and order 3 more so he has enough for a full work week and I don’t have to do his shirts every 2 days. He was sitting at the computer, told me they take the cost right out of his check, etc. and I thought he ordered them. I even asked him how long they said it would take to get them. He answered he didn’t remember and I let it go.

Along around this same time, he decided he wanted to have his checks direct deposited into our account instead of receiving his check on a paycard (like an ATM card) like he gets it now. I just asked him a few days ago if he ever took care of that and he told me he hadn’t yet.

Now this is a prime example of passive aggressive behavior when it comes to how they handle responsibility. I usually preach here about approaching the passive aggressive head on, but calmly and matter-of-factly. Well, I have to confess even my coping skills are not all they should be when it comes to coping with a passive aggressive.

Yesterday I just happened to ask the passive aggressive if he had heard anything about the shirts yet.  How much longer is the wait? He sort of chuckles and says “I haven’t ordered them yet”.  I blew. Every two days I’m having to wash his two crummy shirts mind you, and now he says he never ordered any more. I’ll tell you, it didn’t take him 15 minutes to have the shirts ordered and the direct deposit stuff done, and I told him he could worry about his own shirts since he didn’t find it important enough to take care of. Not only did he get this stuff done, but he called and made an appointment with his barber because I had mentioned a haircut a day or so ago. Usually it takes me asking him 2 or 3 times if he called the barber.

I swear, once again just like having another son. I shouldn’t have to nag, shouldn’t have to get upset for something to get taken care of, but sometimes that’s what it takes I guess. Usually I do try to handle things calmly. I do believe you get further that way most of the time, but these shirts have been such a pain in my butt, I guess I just couldn’t contain myself. LOL. More examples of passive aggressive behavior to come, I’m sure.

If you’d like to go ahead and leave a couple examples of your own, the things that drive you crazy, feel free to comment below.


2 Responses

  1. ah yes – this all sounds very familiar. My own personal gripe is the account he says he has applied for so he doesnt have to keep asking me for his money [he lost both our joint account bank cards and so the only way he can access his money now is if I transfer it to my account and he draws it out on my card – which drives me nuts because he’s always asking me for money or going off with my bank card rather than sort it himself]. I too have asked when he’s going to sort his new account – he tells me he’s ‘sent the forms off’ – but nothing ever happens and no account. Why do they do this? All that it means is that we end up rescuing them or nagging and gen erally turning into the bad guy just to get things done.

    And conversations? Dont get me started on those! We simply cant have one!

    He’s in counselling now – but his counsellor says he shows no signs of PA behaviour!!!!!! WHAT?! Maybe she’d like to live with him!

    • shut down now- Hi and Welcome!

      I see you know my pain. LOL. This is exactly what I’m talking about. And you’re right about how they turn us into the “bad guy”. I hate being a nag, but if I don’t nag him (even though he gets upset when I do) things just never get done.

      I’m sorry to hear the counselor is not on to him. When searching for a therapist I’ve found one of the first questions I ask is if they are familiar with passive aggressives. It sounds like he’s doing the typical manipulation if she can’t see any signs of it. Have they invited you for a “joint” or “couples” session yet? If they do then you can hear what he has been feeding her, or at least get your chance to discuss your point of view. Good luck. It’s hard enough to get them to admit they are any part of the problem. It’s even worse if the therapist backs him up.

      Feel free to drop in anytime and let us know how it’s going. I appreciate your input, as I’m sure there are more similar stories out there.

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