10 Questions- Living With A PA- Part 2

As promised, here’s my “Part 2” to the “10 Questions- How Do You Live With a Passive Aggressive?”

6) If you’re planning on staying with this passive aggressive partner/spouse, how do you see your own personal development in the future? Doing as I am not, living with but apart from him. I like to do a lot of things, many of which he doesn’t care for. He also doesn’t like to leave the house much when he’s off work. I see go out with friends once in awhile, am becoming more involved with the church, etc.

7)  Do you think you have some special powers to deal with him/her, some special understanding? What “powers” or understanding would that be? The only special “understanding” I have is knowing what causes passive aggressive behavior and the common traits. As far as any special “power” I probably have the same “special power” any woman has over a man, sex. LOL. While he may not ever reach for me, he’s never pushed me away.

8)And what about your needs? how do you feed your needs for love and connection, for recognition and for continuous personal growth? I maintain a lot of friendships, and I’m not very needy. I have my work that I’m very involved in and I’m always starting new projects or working on cleaning up old ones.

9) What is his/her weakest aspect, the one that endears him/her to you (and possibly makes you stay to help him/her, or makes you feel guilty about leaving). I wouldn’t call it a weakness really. I would say his loyalty, knowing that he would never cheat on me or leave me, that I don’t have to worry about him. I also know that even with the lack of true affection, intimacy, and emotional connection the way we think of emotionally connecting, he would be devastated if I were to leave or throw him out.

10) What about the future? How do you see old age for the two of you? What about you if he/she continues to frustrate some of your present needs now? How are you going to replace what he/she is not providing for the shared life of you two? I see us continuing on as roommates into old age. In the beginning I had wanted very much to marry him. Now, even tho we live together I wouldn’t marry him on a bet. LOL. Although if we stay together through “older age”, at some point it may be advantageous for us to get married from a legal, health, or tax standpoint. Marriage does have some privileges. As far as my “needs”, I’ll probably just stay buried in the stuff outside of us rather than in us. I still enjoy his company for the most part, and when we do go out together we have a good time. That’s good for me for now.

There you go. My answers and I’m “sticking to them”. LOL. I welcome all comments so feel free.


2 Responses

  1. Very well done! Thank you for your thoughtful answers. They are very helpful, I think, for those who may not understand why you stay. There is a lot of nuance involved.

    I’m glad you’ve found a comfortable place, even if it’s sometimes heartbreaking.

    • Colette- Thank you for your input and encouragement. I think for a lot of us it comes down to a question of whether it’s more painful to stay or to go. As I tell many who can’t understand why they keep trying, “when the pain gets bad enough, you’ll walk away, and only you know how much pain you can take”. To tell the real truth, I think we end up being able to take more than we would have ever thought.

      Please, keep in touch. Let us know how you’re doing.

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