Ok. As promised here are my answers to the original “10 Questions- How Do You Live With A Passive Aggressive?”
Believe it or not, I actually pursued my passive aggressive boyfriend. He was so savvy he didn’t even realize I was hitting on him at first. LOL. I should have got my first clue when it came out that he hadn’t been with a woman (or at least not had a girlfriend) in 5 yrs.
1) How long did it take for you to realize his/her idea of sharing a marriage was different than yours? that he/she was on another wavelength? What was your “aha” moment? I probably knew in the first year or so. I’m one who likes to discuss the future, etc. and I realized we just weren’t headed in the same direction emotionally.
What or how did you feel about that? I was pissed. LOL. I immediately started to detach so I wouldn’t be so emotionally involved.
2) Why do you think this man/woman is in your life? Do you think it was “an act of God” or something in him/her triggered something in you? I do think things happen for a reason. I knew him for about a year before we started dating as he frequented my establishment.
3) How did you deal with the mismatch between your ideal marriage and what you got? was there a learning process? Like I said, I was pissed. I didn’t understand how someone could be so loving and complimentary, etc. one minute but not be able to commit to anything the next. The learning process was a lot of research concerning passive aggressive behavior, and to quit looking through “rose-colored glasses.”
4) What would you say is the worst aspect of being involved with a passive aggressive partner/spouse is? (anger, loneliness, ?) When do you feel it the most? My passive aggressive boyfriend is very inhibited. Raised very strict. Since he is so inhibited, I find myself holding back. Many things I think should be open between a man and a woman in a relationship are not. I probably feel it most when I want to reach out and play with him sexually, which should be great for both of us, but I don’t. In the past I wouldn’t have thought twice.
5) Of all the strategies you’ve tried to change their passive aggressive behavior or your situation, which was the most useful? What was the silliest? I would say the most useful strategy I’ve used is approaching a subject through the “back door” so to speak. We will be talking about something where he feels safe and the conversation is going well. If I get an opportunity to bring up an issue as if it’s flowing free from the conversation we’re having, sometimes we will be able to continue talking instead of him clamming up. The silliest strategy I’ve ever used is threatening him. Instead of trying to change something so I won’t “quit saying I love you” etc., he just accepts it and life goes on as it always has.
I’m going to stop this here for today. It already is getting pretty long and if I finish, we’ll be here all day. LOL. I will put Part 2 up tomorrow morning. I already have it done, so there won’t be any delay, but it makes it double the length, so for now, I know you all have more important things to do. LOL.
Feel free to comment below. I love your input. If you haven’t answered the “10 Questions- How Do You Live With A Passive Aggressive?” yourself feel free to do it now. It’s never too late. LOL
Filed under: causes, commitment, coping, examples of passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, surviving passive aggressive relationships | Tagged: causes of personality disorders, coping with a passive aggressive, living with a passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse |