I thought I would do something a little different here today. I thought I would ask you teach the rest of us with “10 questions on how you live with a passive aggressive.” I don’t know if you remember my friend Nora who also does a lot of work regarding passive aggressive relationships and conflicts. We did a teleconference a few months back. She has her Ph.D and actually is the author of the free book I offer here.
A couple of weeks ago Nora sent me 10 questions to answer about surviving a relationship with a passive aggressive spouse/partner. We’ve been talking about doing another webinar together and the basic topic being “how do you know when enough is enough?”. When I looked over the questions she sent there were a couple that I could not answer from my own experience personally, so I thought I would ask for you all to do it for me. If you are actually making it through a passive aggressive relationship, whether you are married or with a partner, I would appreciate hearing from you. From what I’ve seen you’re not the norm. Over all, one question I have is do you feel he/she was honest when you started dating, or do you feel like they “tricked” you?
1) How long did it take for you to realize his/her idea of sharing a marriage was different than yours? that he/she was on another wavelength? What was your “aha” moment?
What or how did you feel about that?
2) Why do you think this man/woman is in your life? Do you think it was “an act of God” or something in him/her triggered something in you?
3) How did you deal with the mismatch between your ideal marriage and what you got? was there a learning process?
4) What would you say is the worst aspect of being involved with a passive aggressive partner/spouse is? (anger, loneliness, ?) When do you feel it the most?
5) Of all the strategies you’ve tried to change their passive aggressive behavior or your situation, which was the most useful? What was the silliest?
6) If you’re planning on staying with this passive aggressive partner/spouse, how do you see your own personal development in the future?
7) Do you think you have some special powers to deal with him/her, some special understanding? What “powers” or understanding would that be?
8) And what about your needs? how do you feed your needs for love and connection, for recognition and for continuous personal growth?
9) What is his/her weakest aspect, the one that endears him/her to you (and possibly makes you stay to help him/her, or makes you feel guilty about leaving).
Okay, I may have cheated a little by asking some 2 part questions, but it’s to elaborate a little on the answers. Personally, when I talk about the future with my passive aggressive, be it retirement or our relationship, anything, I get that “deer in the headlights” look that says “who me?”. LOL
Would love to have your input. For those of you who have spent years in this kind of a relationship and have no plans for leaving, how do you survive a passive aggressive relationship?
p.s. I don’t know what’s with the ‘smiley face’ but maybe wordpress is going through some programming or something. I don’t know where that came from.
Filed under: passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse Tagged: | coping with passive aggressive behavior, living with a passive aggressive, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse