The Passive Aggressive Motto: Do It Yourself!

The passive aggressive motto when it comes to anything we need or want done “do it yourself”. If you’re waiting on your passive aggressive boyfriend/spouse/partner to do anything for you, you may as well leave it in your will for your heirs to get it done. Giving credit where credit is due, I now write a small list on the bottom of the grocery list hanging on the refer. It has it’s own head line “BF To Do List” and on it I write the things that still need to be done on his days off. So far this has worked pretty well. In the beginning I was the one scratching things off as they got done, but this last weekend when the BF fixed our faucet, he crossed it off himself.

While his going back to work has been a good thing in some ways, it’s like he has totally become irresponsible. The type of work he does he should be tracking time and travel, yet he would rather just collect the check from the company and he doesn’t seem to care if they short him. He needs a doctor’s appointment for a refill on his pills, yet still doesn’t call. He needed to still file papers with unemployment and he let that go and go. I finally told him I was turning all household finances over to him. If he’s not going to worry about anything (since he hasn’t had to in the last 11 yrs.) neither am I. I want to do what he does. Turn over my check to someone and let them worry about the bills.

I don’t want to be the one who worries any more. I want to be the one that just goes and gets what I need and the money is always there for me. Speaking of which, I think it’s about time for a vodka. LOL

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6 Responses

  1. Yep, Yep and Yep. Being in a relationship with a PA is like having a child that you never gave birth to, they won’t mature, won’t take responsibility for ANYTHING, and won’t leave home. Make mine a margarita!!! Hang in there you are not alone!

    • Joann- LOL. Thank you for the chuckle. You get it completely. Thanks for the encouragement.

  2. Joann,
    I love reading your blog, it helps me remember that I am not alone either.
    I’ll bring the salt & lime … and some cranberry juice for your Vodka!!!

    Thanks… Kathleen

    • Kathleen- Glad you enjoy the blog and find it helpful. Yum, the cranberry goes really well with champagne. LOL

  3. This article hits the nail right on the head. I have a PA husband and it’s been hell since we got married. He told me on our wedding night that he married me to get back at his mother. Silly me didn’t see that as a red flag and seek to annul the marriage immedidately. I thought he didn’t really mean that being that we spent 3 years courting before we got married. I guess I fell for the ‘charm’ and the sense of humour and him always being there (almost 24/7). Long story short, we had the dicussion prior to marriage that he needed to get a better paying job than $10/hr as we were getting married and talking about buying a house together. The marriage took the house was bought (with most of my money 82% to be exact) place but the better job never did. He worked barely 5hrs/day at the $10/hr job while I did all the overtime I could to ensure that I had somewhat of a financial foundation to stand on. While I had to work those extra hours he felt “neglected” but did not come to me about they way he was feeling (guess he thought he married a mind reader) instead he turned to pornography for 3yrs of our 8yr marriage. Found out because he completely depended on porn and no sexual encounters with me. We always end up in fights about why he was not showing any interest in sex for 2 months at a time until I found out why. I don’t believe there is any excuse for adultery ( yes, porn is adultery when done within the confines of a marriage). He has not taken responsibility for the damages he has caused me and has not sought counselling for his phychological problems. I am very, very angry. I found out about the porn a year ago and was more than very, very angry. This was the final straw for me. I put up with him not able to fulfill his manly role as the breadwinner, having to pull teeth for him to do his part around the house, constant arguing about things that are nonsensical not to mention engery draining, him not taking responsibility for his life circumstances instead of blaming everyone and everything else around him. I took him to for councelling at my church as I couldn’t live with the anger anymore and I was basically told in councelling that I am a hypocrite because I find it hard to continue the marriage with someone who stabs me in the back, lie and face me everyday as if everything is okay and call me ‘his wife”. So, needless to say, I am not only completely angry at my husband I am now angry at some of the elders who seems to be somewhat but lack compassion. I realize that one cannot truly know what the next person is going through unless they have experienced the same thing themselves. So, I am not that angry that the elders cannot judge the situation justly. I am still at the dicision to sell the house, get a divorce and move on with my life. I am still very young and want to have that happy life I know I can have in the Lord and my family. I don’t believe I would want to be married again as it’s next to impossible to find a faithful man these days. Even in the church they are hooked on porn. I just want to serve the Lord in these last days and make him my all in all. I know in him I will never fail. I would caution young women and men these to go through phychological screening before they enter into marriage as one might be marrying a potential narcissist ( lack empathy and natural affection, feels tied down in marriage, cannot fulfill the provider role etc) and the PA, fears just about everything and a back stabber. Thank you for this site. It has helped me a lot.:)

    • Karen- Welcome, and I’m so glad you’ve gotten some help from the site. I’m so sorry you weren’t able to get any help from your church. That’s the one place you should be able to go and I can’t imagine any of them knowing about his obsession with porn and condoning it, but I guess they are only human.

      I don’t know if you have decided you are completely done or not, and no one would certainly blame you if you are, but if you are not, New Life Ministries has a workshop called “Every Man’s Battle” that is all about this sort of thing. If your husband can’t make any workshops (if there aren’t any in your area) they do have a book on Amazon by the same name. The web address if you want to check it out is http://www.newlife.com I listen to these guys on the radio all the time and they are terrific. Just a thought…

      In the meantime, if you’ve decided you don’t have it in you any more to keep beating your head against a brick wall, then no matter how old you are, you are never to old to find happiness and joy for your life. I don’t believe all men are cheaters just as I don’t think all women are cheaters. I just think maybe we ran into a pothole in the road sometimes before we find the one who was truly meant for us.

      I wish you the best of luck in which ever way you decide to go. Just be sure to prepare yourself either way, whether it be with emotional support from friends and family, packing things up little by little until you’re ready to go, plan B if he goes to the workshop and it’s not enough. And then of course, we’re always here. Feel free to let us know how you’re doing, rant and rave if that’s what you need, or just a place to feel safe. Take care and God Bless

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