The Passive Aggressive Loves Revenge…

The passive aggressive loves revenge, even when they may not look at it that way. Most of the stuff they do to a certain extent, is so subconscious they don’t even realize the underlying reason they are doing something.

We’ve all heard of the bride from a wealthy family marrying some poor bum on the street to get even with her family but totally denies it. Or the really rich guy that marries his maid’s daughter for the same reason. Last night I saw that replayed in a little different way with my passive aggressive BF.

For those of you who don’t know, my BF is the textbook version of a passive aggressive, and the causes for it are also textbook. He was physically abused when he was young by his father (although he never says that, he just talks about how “tough” his father was), the oldest of 5 siblings, and his mother wasn’t much help. They lived on a farm in the Midwest, not a lot of money, so he went to work at an early age.

Now, for this next part I hope I don’t offend anyone, but this is just how it is. My passive aggressive BF is from the Midwest. Back there they refer to people from Kentucky as “Briar-Hoppers”, and people from where he’s from don’t have much respect for them.

Last night a new series started on TV (FX) called “Justified” and it is all about a little “redneck justice” and areas the BF is very familiar with. This show brought back a lot of memories for him.

He was laughing so hard he was crying as he recalled going to work at the same plant his father worked. It seems his father was fairly high on the food chain and worked the day shift. My BF was pretty much just a regular employee, but worked the graveyard shift. His father didn’t like Briar-Hoppers at all (very prejudiced), and the night shift was just about all Briar-Hoppers, and all kin folk. The father had nothing to do with who got hired for the night shift.

The BF said he could just see the “old man’s blood pressure rise” when the BF would try to tell his father what a good bunch of guys they were. I’m sure it got brought up fairly often. The BF said the only thing better was when one of the guys from the night shift would seek his father out to tell him what a great kid the BF was.

I have never seen the BF laugh and laugh so hard when speaking about his father. It’s almost always a serious discussion about something his father had done that nowadays if someone did it, they’d either be arrested or get their kids taken away. In fact, the other day was the first time in 10 years I ever heard the BF say it was abuse when he referenced raising his own boys. Now here we are, many, many years later, and he still gets so much pleasure from finding a way to “sort of” get even with his Dad, he actually had to keep wiping away the tears from laughing.

Yep, I would definitely say after this experience, we’ll probably be watching that show every week, and the passive aggressive loves revenge.

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3 Responses

  1. Hi,

    I’m curious if anyone has had the experience of a PA partner hiding their stuff?

    My passport used to be in a drawer that my PA husband cleaned out a few weeks ago, and since then the passport has been missing. After looking around the whole house, I asked my husband if he was sure that he did not put it anywhere. He said no, but that he would look around. A few minutes later he comes in with my passport, saying that he found it on the very same dresser that I had searched earlier in the day!! He swears that it was there, but I had searched that exact place in detail.

    Why on earth would he do this kind of thing? What is the payoff?

    • Christy- Actually I wouldn’t consider this a normal PA trait, but you are the second one I have heard from that their spouse has done something like this. Hers was actually her wedding rings she left on the sink. Maybe he’s afraid with the passport you may leave him? I don’t know what the payoff is, but I would start to wonder what else is missing. Maybe it’s just another step in making you “second guess” yourself, another way of trying to make you think you may be a little “off”. I guess I’m going to have to do a little more research. I know my own BF has taken stuff as his own, but not really hid something. He just flat confiscates stuff. LOL.

      Feel free to stop by anytime. Love to hear from everybody. Always some new little twist, isn’t there?

  2. I just realized that my boyfriend is passive aggressive-and omg is it a very frustrating thing to deal with.I did not realize that he was this way until he destoyed my property and walked out on me?

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