Due to a comment left on the blog, I got to thinking about my original post “Leaving The Passive Aggressive“. While we all know divorce isn’t easy on anyone, we all hope to go through it without shell-shock. Often times that isn’t possible depending on the type of person you are married to. I think it’s important that even though you want to fair, genuinely maybe still care about the other person, you need to be prepared for war, which is what leaving the passive aggressive can turn into.
All of a sudden, this passive aggressive person who couldn’t get off their butt to mow the lawn, or vacuum the house, whichever the case may be, now has nothing but energy to put into making your life miserable. The same one who “forgot” any thing you asked him/her to do, now appears to almost have a law degree. If your passive aggressive is not the kind that leaves and never looks back, he/she may be the kind to swing in the totally opposite direction. Remember, in their minds they have done nothing wrong, it’s all your fault, and they feel justified in what ever they do to you.
You need to remember that now you are just one more person that has inspired their anger. All of that deep seeded anger from childhood that caused them to be passive aggressive to start with will rise closer to the surface now, and you are likely to be the target. If he/she was deceitful in your marriage, you can expect that to be much worse now. It’s very hard as a normal thinking person to imagine how badly someone may react. As I have mentioned before, if you are the one that is leaving, be sure you have anything that is really important to you packed and ready to go. If you are staying, and they are leaving, be sure you have things that are meaningful to you put away somewhere for safe keeping. It is not unusual for family heir looms, wedding rings, etc. to just “suddenly disappear”.
Not only did my ex make me sign over my half of the house in order to get my children’s things out, but the day after we had gone to court, agreed to joint custody and no child support because we would each have the children 50% of the time, he was at the welfare office claiming I had abandoned the kids and collecting medi-cal and cash. Of course the system wants that money back. I had to fight them for 2 yrs. in court and prove that my ex was making a ton of money, shouldn’t have even been on welfare, and prove I had the children most of the time, before I finally won and they turned to go after him for welfare fraud.
While we all just want to get through it when you’re going through a divorce, and you hope that you can act like two grown adults, you have to remember that to a certain extent, you’re dealing with an overgrown child. A child doesn’t always care what is right or wrong when it comes to getting what they want.
I ran across a site this morning in my internet travels called “divorce360.com“. They have forums, blogs, checklists for the different stages of going through the divorce, financial calculators, etc. Really a lot of information. If you are planning on leaving the passive aggressive, or maybe you’re going through the split right now, you may want to check them out.
Filed under: abuse, causes, leaving the passive aggressive, passive aggressive, passive aggressive spouse | Tagged: Leaving a passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse |