If you’ve read my blog or been with me for any length of time, then you have read where I believe if your passive aggressive partner is sucking the life out of you and you can’t get out of the relationship for yourself, then at least get out of it for the sake of your children. The last thing you should want for your kids is to pick up the passive aggressive traits of your passive aggressive spouse or partner. Not only are you harming the kind of person they could grow to be, but would you really want them going into their future relationships treating their girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse/partner, the way you’ve been treated? And, as angry as we get at the passive aggressive, they completely destroy their lives and the people that try to love them. Even though we may not see it, you know they have to hurt somewhere deep down inside. Do we really want that for our kids? Like most parents, I want my children to live better than me, not go through the same hells.
I did a little exploring today and would like to share with you what I found.
This comes from a girl who’s mother was passive aggressive while her father was an abusive alcoholic. Her mother denied everything, blamed the daughter. It was easier than having to be responsible for her living the way she was and how her daughter was being treated.
My self esteem was at a very low level. I was in grade four at this point, I was nine and ten years old and my self-esteem was horrible. I became bulimic at fifteen…I remember thinking that there was a relief in being able to control one thing myself that
they could not do anything about and that was my eating. When I was seventeen and the overbearing controlling behavior would become unbearable, I began cutting myself with a razor blade at
seventeen. I went on to suffer from problems with alcohol and drug abuse myself as did my sibling and I tolerated abusive behavior in my relationships. I should mention that my sibling also suffered from the same eating disorders, the same tendency towards cutting and the same abusive relationships. I began suffering from increased bouts of depression and panic attacks, when I was nineteen, I was subsequently treated for my anxiety disorder with anti-anxiety medication which my parents would discredit as everyday worries that could be treated without medicine.
Pretty fricken tragic. The following is from a blog I found where the writer is a grown woman with children of her own, who’s mother is very passive aggressive. Her husband used to try and pass the passive aggressive behavior off as being “accidental. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, saying, etc.” Not after his passive aggressive mother-in-law came to visit for 2 weeks over the holidays. He has had a total change of heart. The daughter finally blew up on one of the last days of the mother’s visit. This is what she says afterward.
At the time of this frantic typing to let out my emotions I have indeed changed her flight to go home early. And may she go with grace, because I truly doubt that I will be spending much time in
her vicinity ever again.
I truly can’t tell you how awful I would feel if my children ever felt that way about me. (Well, truth be told they probably did when they were in high school. Thank God that’s changed. LOL).
Last, but not least, from a child of a passive aggressive parent who took on the traits, but at least realized it and is trying to do something about it.
I learned so much passive-agressive behaviors from my family, and it has taken me years (and a good 300-mile drive!) to overcome them. (Actually I am still working on that, but I am MUCH better than I used to be.)
Not to mention how much money and heartache it’s probably taken.
Kids know. They are smarter than we give them credit for. The people I know whose parents stayed together “for the sake of the children” are now feeling guilty, screwed up, and resent their parents for not splitting and giving them a happier life. Sure the “lifestyle” may not be the same as it was in a two income family, but the love and the lack of hostility makes it a much better place to be.
What happens to the kids from a passive aggressive relationship? I guess that’s up to you to decide. Please feel free to leave your comments. If you have a different point of view, especially because you come from this kind of situation, don’t be shy. I’ll publish anything that isn’t “spam”. LOL
Filed under: abuse, alcoholic, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive families, passive aggressive parent, passive aggressive spouse, self esteem | Tagged: abuse, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive parenting, passive aggressive spouse |