New Year, Same Old Passive Aggressive

Typical PA New Year

Imagine That!

New Year, same old passive aggressive. That pretty much says it all doesn’t it? We have 1 more day of 2009. I was talking to a friend earlier about what she’s going through right now and giving the rah-rah speech for the New Year, and decided I really needed to put that here.

First, before that, I would like to thank all of you who have shared your lives with me and let me share my life with you. I have to say, I don’t know what I would have done without you. (Maybe be as crazy as everyone “thinks” I am. LOL). You have honored me with your comments, glimpses into your lives, and I am forever grateful. Thank you for sharing one of the toughest years of my life with me. You know that “self-esteem file” I was telling you to build? I have added so many of your well wishes and caring to mine. I have made some truly great friends here, pissed off a few, and new people in our situation join us all the time. May God Bless us Every One! (even if you’re atheist you can’t hate Tiny Tim. LOL).

So now, on with getting out the old and bringing in the new! I always feel, especially if it’s been a really hard year, that January 1 brings a whole new chance. A new chance to get it right. A clean slate to put things how we want them to be vs. how they are. Sure, we’re starting the New Year with the same old (damn) passive aggressive that we ended last year with, at least most of us, but it’s a time for new beginnings. We can make changes! We have the Power! LOL.

No matter where you are right now, you have the power to make changes. Even if you are not at the point of leaving your passive aggressive, you can make new goals (not resolutions because we all know those are meant to be broken) for empowering ourselves in the new year.

1) We can make a goal right here and now to start looking out for us. We can draw up a plan just like you would any other goal. The goal might be:

To feel better about myself and have plenty of self-esteem by this time next year.

Then you draw the steps you need to take, kind of like an outline:

1) make a lot of new friends.  Get involved. This may be by joining a class, getting more involved in your church, doing more at your kid’s school. There are numerous things you can start with. Just make it something you enjoy so you will want to do it again.You don’t have to tell everyone you meet about your situation. Take this time to forget about it. Take this time to feel rejuvenated.

2) I’m aware of his/her tactics. I won’t let him/her get to me. This will save me so much stress. If I just let it roll off, which takes practice, like water on a ducks back, I will feel better and his antics will be futile.

3) I will pick my battles. If it’s something senseless I will just let it slide. If it’s important, I will ask him/her what the train of thought is. I will tell him/her I am trying to understand what they were thinking when they ________. (I personally love this one. LOL).

4) I will try to see the humor in what my passive aggressive is doing. Instead of it upsetting me, I will think like I am a stand up comic and he/she is just giving me new material. (If you need help with this one, look up the movie with Tom Hanks and Sally Field. I can’t remember the name of it right now, but it will do your heart good plus give you a few pointers).

Ok. You have the idea. Make it according to what is good for you. Carry this with you so it’s handy to pull out any time you need it. We may have to end the old year with some of the same old stuff, but we don’t have to have it do the damage to us that it did in the past. Thank God for a new year, a new chance, and a new slate to write our futures on! I love New Year’s Day!

If you care to leave your New Year’s goals, I’d appreciate it. You may have some we can adopt. We can all use all the help we can get. LOL.


5 Responses

  1. Thanks for posting lots of good suggestions here to help us deal with the PA in our lives!

    I agree that bolstering our self-esteem will do wonders in living with our PA. I constantly try to realize that it’s not *me*, it’s *him*. Of course, he would say it’s me, so who’s really right? LOL

    None of us can change another person. I think we just all have to learn to live with who that person is.

    I love my PA for many reasons and I try to keep those in mind when he pulls something dumb. Live and let live… and I hope everyone learns and does what is right for them in 2010!

  2. I’ve just discovered your blog and it is good medicine! You have a wonderful sense of humor, under the circumstances, and I wish you all that you dream in this new year!

    My husband of 22 years is passive aggressive and I’ve only just found that this label is spot on. There is no way out for me at this time, but I’ll keep hoping.

    • Colette- Thanks for the compliments and welcome to our little club here. LOL.

      Feel free to use this as a safe spot to vent or just read what others are going through, etc. I don’t advocate leaving necessarily. Like me, I’m into it 10 yrs. It works for me right now, but it may not 2 yrs. from now. The difference is knowing what you’re dealing with and knowing how to handle it so it doesn’t destroy you. If you can keep yourself built up so that he can’t beat you down, make you think everything is you, then you have a chance in winning in the end. I don’t know why you say leaving is not an option for you at this time, but no one can judge that better than yourself. Just know that there are places to get support, and you do have options even when it doesn’t seem so. We may not like the options, and may not want to do what it would take, but there are always options.

      I hope to hear from you again. There are quite a few of us out here. LOL. Feel free to visit and comment anytime.

  3. I really like what you wrote here – it’s very good. Thanks for posting this. As someone who has struggled with an addiction myself, I really appreciate what you wrote. Visit my site if you’d like to read more. Have a good week!

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