Humor, Holiday Blues, And Passive Aggressives

PA Christmas

Ever wish...? LOL

Humor, holiday blues, and living with a passive aggressive husband, wife or child. You have to have a sense of humor, because you get the holiday blues, because of  coping with a passive aggressive spouse. They just seem to go hand in hand, don’t they? LOL.

Whatever you celebrate this time of year, be it Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or many other celebrations I know nothing about, if you’re already having problems in a relationship, there is nothing like this time of year to accentuate it. Between the stress of Christmas shopping, not enough money, normal depression over your relationship, and having to deal with family members, it can all seem like it’s crashing in around you.  So My Dears, I am here with ammunition to fight back! No matter what kind of situation you’re in right now, this can be the time to mark the end of a bad year and a stepping stone into the future of good years. Who says we have to wait for New Year’s Day?

My Tips For Beating the Holiday Blues

1) Don’t fight it! All of us at sometime have just wanted the holidays to be over, kicking and screaming all through the season. It doesn’t seem to work. No matter what we do, we’re still faced with it at some point. So, instead of fighting it, get into it. It’s not about the money and the gifts. It’s about the love and the Spirit.  If you don’t have it, get around people that will share theirs. Remember what it was like as a kid, and if you have bad memories from childhood, then make some new good ones. I know. It all sounds easier said than done right? Who wants to be “merry-making” when you feel like crap? That’s when we need it the most. Go for it.

2) “Sing joyful noise unto the Lord”. This is one of my favorite scriptures and one of my favorite tips. (Just as a side note, I could never understand with this being a well known scripture, why church hymns sound so depressing. I’m so glad they’ve started introducing contemporary music). Anyway, hardly anything will do your heart as much good as music. Whether you’re singing the corny Christmas carols, rocking to your favorite heavy metal, or twanging to a little country, it can’t help but lift you up and help you avoid depression.

3) Humor, once again is another old friend when it comes to managing holiday stress. Many of us find it difficult to laugh at our passive aggressive spouse’s behavior because the resentments and the wounds sometimes go to deep, but you can still laugh at other things. If nothing else go to YouTube and search “funny” or “comedy” movies. Not everyone’s sense of humor is the same, as I found out when I posted the video in my last post and had 2 people “unsubscribe” lol, but there is bound to be a couple on there you would enjoy. The thing that’s nice about YouTube is they’re usually pretty short, so it doesn’t take a lot of time out of your day to get a laugh or two.

4) Be realistic in your expectations. If you’re involved with someone who has a passive aggressive personality disorder, you are never going to get that “perfect Christmas” or holiday. Many of us get the blues and depression during the holidays because we think we’re missing out on something that goes on in “normal people’s lives” and in “normal” families. Just what is “normal” anyway? For us, normal is what we live every day. It’s normal for us. If you’re not happy with it during the rest of the year, you’re not going to be happy about it now.

It’s up to you to change it for you. It’s still magic and now we’re older and probably have a better sense of what  it truly means than we ever did. Make some new traditions, help somewhere where you’re needed by volunteering. Nothing makes you feel better than knowing you did something really good for someone else who really needed the help. Most of all, remember that this is time you will never get back. Let’s make a pact right here that we are not going to allow our passive aggressive spouses, partners, in-laws, co-workers, children, or anyone else spoil it for us, including ourselves.

If you’re depressed, or more angry than usual, feel free to get it out right here, like an emotional dump. Then enjoy how much better you feel and carry that with you. If you have any holiday tips of your own on how you manage the stress of the season, please share them. We can all use the help with our sense of humor, holiday blues, and passive aggressives! LOL.

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2 Responses

  1. My PA husband knows that Christmas is my favorite day and that I look forward to it. I’ve been sick the last couple of days, so he got up early with our daughters today (Christmas) and by the time I got downstairs they were done opening presents. I had missed it. He couldn’t wait for me to get dressed and come downstairs when he knows I love that stuff? I didn’t take very long.

    Any advice or experience for divorcing a PA man? It seems like they can really work the system (like they do with therapists). He looks calm and in control, while I’m so mad at him and feel like I’m going crazy because of his behavior.

    My husband has kept a log of all of his activities with my daughters for the last couple of years so I think he has a good shot at custody, even though I only work part time.

    Any advice?

    • Good morning Christy- Oh, that is sooo wrong. I don’t blame you for being angry. It made me angry just reading about it. While under the guise of trying to be thoughtful because you’ve been sick, no doubt, that was just mean.

      Does your husband work, or is he home all the time? Why has he been logging his activities with the girls? Has he mentioned that he would go for full custody? I would say if he works full time, and you work part time, especially if you work part time while the girls are in school, than the courts would generally want the girls to stay with their mother. They may even go with a 50/50 custody arrangement if both parents live close enough to keep them in school without any disruption going back and forth to each parent’s house. Of course a lot of time it depends on the state you’re in. Do you know how judges generally rule in custody cases for where you live?

      As far as leaving him, it’s best if you’re serious about wanting out, not to tell him in advance of your plans. Instead quietly go behind the scene getting things ready. Hopefully you’ve been putting a little money aside in a separate savings account, and you can start packing things bit by bit. Do you think he will leave and let you and the girls have the place where you live, or will he stay to the point that you have to be the one to leave?

      I’m sorry it’s gotten to the point of just being unworkable, but sometimes to save our own sanity, splitting is the only answer. Maybe someone else here who has gotten out will be able to give some more advice. Good luck and we’ll be here anytime you want to let us know how you’re doing.

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