I had to share this because it is such a great example of passive aggressive behavior I couldn’t pass it up. I’ve been at this game for a pretty long time and really figured I kind of had a handle on “cause and effect”, but this one is a completely new one that has me dumbfounded. I realize 10 yrs. isn’t much to some of you really old timers (22 yrs., 36 yrs.) but I thought it was long enough to pretty much be aware of most of the games.
My wonderfully, passive aggressive BF and I are having a “War of the Toilet Seat”. Now mind you, this is 10 yrs. into the relationship where he has always been most courteous about putting the toilet seat down when he’s done. That’s what a gentleman does, right? And he was definitely raised a gentleman. Everyone forgets once in a while to put the toilet seat down, or to flush, I mean we all have, so I didn’t mention it at first. I couldn’t help but notice that I’m having to check more and more when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (in the dark) that I need to check and make sure what position the toilet seat is in. Even being heavy, my warm but hits that cold water, it’s not pleasant. LOL.
After a few times with in just a few days of noticing that he wasn’t putting the toilet seat down I said something to him about it the other night. Of course in the usual passive aggressive way, he apologized profusely, assured me that he wasn’t upset about anything, and the next morning I get up and not only is the toilet seat up, but this time he didn’t even bother to flush. (Nothing sacred or private on my blog. LOL)
Last night I told him “Boy, you sure got even with me. I mention not putting the toilet seat down so this morning you don’t put it down or flush.” I told him “I don’t know what I did to piss you off, but obviously there’s something bothering you that you’re chosing this way to get even”.
Now this is the true passive aggressive. He kept saying “No, no” and hung his head in shame.
We sat across from the table from each other watching TV, him with his head hung low, me carrying on like it’s nothing. Me remarking on different parts of the TV program, him not saying a word. Poor passive aggressive Baby. So during the night, sure enough I had to put the toilet seat down (I been down that road before) and then today I went in to use the toilet and the toilet seat’s up. Funny guy!
The only thing I can think of is I’ve been pretty big lately on his pursuing work again now that we’re settled in a new home. While we were floating, I know it’s hard to connect, etc. although I would have tried at that point even harder, but I wasn’t on him to much to go to work. Now we’re settled with our own address and I’ve been on him about checking in with his group at EDD, etc. He actually went for an interview yesterday. That’s the only thing I can think of that set off this new retaliation. But when you’re living with a passive aggressive and hidden feelings, who knows?
Filed under: causes, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse | Tagged: coping with a passive aggressive, coping with passive aggressive behavior, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive games, passive aggressive spouse, sulking |