Ok, so how many of you are looking forward to Christmas? How many of you have your holidays sabotaged by the passive aggressive in your house? How many of you tell your passive aggressive partner or spouse exactly what you want for Christmas only to receive some kind of household appliance or yard tool? LOL. (No kidding. A friend of mine bought his wife an electric lawnmower so she wouldn’t have to use a push mower any more on the front lawn). Real romance here! LOL.
I personally think this time of year is stressful enough to deal with, let alone having to worry what “surprises” lie ahead. So I think we have to take extra care to guard out feelings, and our psyche. My plan is to post some articles now through the holidays to help us get through them unscathed, or at least all in one piece (peace).
First up, now that Thanksgiving’s over and if you haven’t already, you’re probably going to want to start decorating for Christmas. In my house, I can pretty much do whatever I want to the inside, and not too much gets said. The only point of contention is usually the tree.
Being the typical man and a passive aggressive, going for the tree is not one of the BF’s favorite things to do as it is. Half the time he’s spotted one he hopes will satisfy me before we even get out of the car. I like to look around which of course leads to the usual heavy sighs etc. He’s gotten pretty used to the fact after all these years that unless he wants to go to several different places to look at trees, he better let me look around where we are. Since I usually drive, I have a little more control of where we go and when we leave than I normally would have.
It’s always nice if you can do this together, but sometimes I don’t have the patience, so one way to avoid any problems while looking is to go without him. I’ll just get up and out early enough, he’s not ready to go. If you have a partner that works, you can do it on a day after he’s headed for the office. I have found that the guys at the Christmas Tree farms and lots are more than willing to tie that sucker up and get it on top of your car for you. My BF likes to get even with me for dragging him along by stuffing the tree in the trunk, which breaks some of the branches when it’s a big one. This avoids that.
The next part of the decorating is the outside. Outside lights aren’t usually an option here. I gave up a long time ago. My BF has an allergy to ladders so trying to pull this one off is almost impossible. The answer: hire a couple of high school kids, your neighbors teenage kids, or even a local handyman. Unless it’s something really elaborate, it doesn’t cost much, and no fuss, no muss for you, and no disappointments when he keeps putting it off. If you’re a guy married to a passive aggressive female, there’s nothing stopping you from getting in the spirit. If she doesn’t like where you put things, let her move them, but at least you’ll have a start.
My idea of dealing with a passive aggressive partner or spouse is to counteract whatever they can do to upset you. If you take all control out of their hands, don’t rely on them for anything, and get things the way you want them, it makes life so much easier. Sure, we would all like to have that perfect guy, full of holiday spirit who just lives to make things perfect for us, but if you don’t have that, then it’s up to us to make it as perfect for us (and if you have children) as we can.
Last, but not least, play lots of Christmas music. When you’re happy and in the spirit, it’s pretty tough for any of the normal “junk” to bring you down.
Filed under: Christmas, coping, dealing with holidays, handling stress, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive holidays, passive aggressive spouse | Tagged: coping skills, coping with a passive aggressive, holidays and the passive aggressive, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive holidays, passive aggressive spouse, sanity |