First of all sorry to everyone for not being in touch for a few days, but I’m using a new WiFi system for my internet and it can be rather hit or miss. I haven’t been able to get a good enough signal to really do anything on the blog, but right now it’s working well so I’m taking advantage. LOL. I’ve approved and answered all comments so if you left something here and it took me a couple of days to answer, I am very sorry. I’ll be settled down here soon and not so sporadic.
So now, on with the Passive Aggressive News. LOL.
So in my last post I wrote about sibling rivalry and passive aggressiveness. I got confirmation this week from my almost sister-in-law through the passive aggressive BF’s email they definitely aren’t sending the money his brother said he would loan us. That is fine. I have no problem with that. More people than not are having economic troubles these days and I totally understand. What I’m having a hard time with is the fact that he let us sit for almost 2 weeks before his wife finally came out and said “no”. (I didn’t really sit for 2 weeks, only 6 days before I got a clue). The BF emailed her back saying thank you anyway, blah, blah. I asked him if he told her how much deeper into a hole his brother put us by not just saying no to start with, but of course he didn’t. Oh well.
So we are moved into our new place anyway, Yeah! Thank goodness for friends with big hearts. You would think things would be better for everyone as the stress should be lighter not having to pay for the hotel everyday, etc. Instead the passive aggressiveness is raging, and I did today what I tell you guys not to do.
I LOST IT! I had gone to a town about 45 minutes away to see a girlfriend in a hospital and get some papers signed. I left a little after 9 am. All he had to do was move the car that was in the driveway to the street in front of our house so I could pull in the driveway when I got home. We live now in a neighborhood where parking is at a premium, so we park 2 cars on the street, and the one we use most often in the drive so we always have a place to park. 3 hours later when I got home the car was still sitting in the drive and I had to park in the street. This was like the straw that broke the camels back. I am so sick of the words “I was just getting ready to do that” I could gag! I ended up moving the cars myself, which is fine, I’m not crippled, but that’s not the point.
A couple of days ago I had been trying to get a hold of him on his cell phone. No answer of course. When I got home I made mention of only calling him again in the future if I was feeling suicidal, because anytime I really need him I can’t get an answer. He lightly threw his cell phone on the table to let me know he was unhappy. I picked it up and threw it across the livingroom and it shattered into 4 pieces. He got it back together and it seems to work much better now. LOL.
My point being is he got the very reaction he wanted from me, whether he consciously knew it or not. He got me crazy. This is exactly what a passive aggressive needs to feel he is in control. It gives them satisfaction at your expense and if they’re “winning” it just gets worse.
The one thing I did do was when I blew my top today, I laid all the cards on the table. I told him I knew what he was doing sabotaging every effort, holding back the I love you’s when I said I love you, the whole bit. I told him it was quite obvious he didn’t love me anymore (to which his face gave a look of protest, but I never gave him a chance to say anything. I told him I was tired of his crap and I wanted it to stop NOW. I didn’t want to play anymore.
So my friends, we will see if it makes any difference or not. I believe that we have to confront this behavior as it’s happening so they know we know what they are doing, but I usually advise to do it calmly. Sometimes I guess calm doesn’t cut it, then a person’s gotta do what a person’s gotta do.
Coming soon, a review of a book on passive aggressive relationships. So far it’s pretty good as far as defining a passive aggressive and giving some examples.
Feel free to comment. I’ll try to be faster on the replies. If you feel you need to get some answers right away, feel free to email me anytime. Just remember, I’m not a therapist, just one of you living through it a day at a time, with 10 years of days experience. LOL.
Filed under: abuse, coping, handling stress, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, psychology, trust | Tagged: abuse, coping with a passive aggressive, covert abuse, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse, sanity |