Over the last month or two we visited an old girlfriend of mine that lives about 40 miles away. She’s an older lady who is doing quite well after having a few strokes and considering she spent about 5 years in a nursing home. Now she’s back in her own home and is doing great. Any time we go over to visit she insists we stay for dinner and has the passive aggressive BF barbecue for us. What’s really funny about this is 1) he supposedly hates to BBQ on a gas grill, which is what she has and 2) I’ve been with him for almost 10 years and can never get him to BBQ. Over the years I have done almost every thing but ought right beg!
Of course this is the typical passive aggressive technique. This is a prime example of why all of a passive aggressive’s buddies think he’s absolutely terrific, while you’re at home pulling your hair out. Oh, and if that’s not enough, the other night she thought we were coming over and she was going to have him BBQ lamb chops. We didn’t make it and when she told me what she had planned, I let her know it was a good thing we didn’t make it because the BF couldn’t stand lamb at all, not even to smell it cooking. When I told him, you’d have thought I had threatened to cut her heart out with her own knife. He felt bad. I haven’t had lamb in 10 years!
Yesterday we ended up going over there house-hunting, and of course stayed for dinner. She had taken pork chops out of the freezer and had 2 lamb chops ready to BBQ. He had absolutely no problem BBQ-ing them for her. All of a sudden it occurred to me that all this time this was one thing (well 2) that he had complete control over at our house. At her house it seems there isn’t anything he can’t or won’t do.
This was so subtle and had taken place for so long, I never realized it was just another passive aggressive move. Needless to say I let him know I was on to him and those tactics weren’t going to work anymore. Tomorrow’s another day. I’m sure there will be a new way for him to express his control or anger, or whatever. Sometimes it’s interesting, sometimes exhausting to see what happens next.
Filed under: causes, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, personality disorders, psychology | Tagged: coping with a passive aggressive, dealing with passive aggressive peopl, games passive aggressives play, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive personality, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse, sanity, sulking |