Another Day In The Life W/A Passive Aggressive

I’ve posted 100 blog posts on here now. I’d like to thank all of you who look on from whatever your point of interest, and thank you all so much for your contributions both to my life and this blog with your comments.

What’s Going On With Us Lately-

We’re still in a motel. We can’t really rent or buy anywhere as I’m in the process of foreclosing on a mobilehome I sold on an installment sale. Part of our problems as far as money goes is this jerk has quit making his payments, which was a substantial part of our income. I can’t commit to anywhere else until I know if I’m going to get the mobile back, so we are stuck. It’s nice having maid service, but it doesn’t come cheap!

The passive aggressive BF is still not working, which I guess would be ok considering he’s making more per hour on unemployment than he would at some of the jobs he could get, but unemployment benefits don’t last forever. There is a program for getting rehabbed for “green jobs” that would run his unemployment during the time he was training, but I have to be like his Mama and remind him every week he needs to do something. The passive aggressive personality definitely rears it’s ugly head. I shouldn’t have to take that on as well as everything else. I’m afraid I do find myself getting a bit resentful. I sure miss the days when the man felt like he had to provide and take care of me. LOL.

Another turn of events, my son has moved down with his sister and cousin, and started a new life for himself. He was devestated when he and his girlfriend split, altho he knew they could never stay together. He has already started working out in the gym every day, doing a little swimming, and invited Jesus into his heart. Just leaving town was a huge step for him, but even he realized there was nothing left for him here. His friends are either in jail, been in jail and out a few times, or well on their way down that path. It was only a matter of time for him. I feel so blessed that my niece and her husband have opened their arms and their home to him. My middle daughter has been down there since last January and is such a happier human being now.

I heard from my almost step-son the other day, my BF’s youngest. He’s definitely the drama queen of the family, but I can’t say I hardly blame him. Last in a line of 3 boys, I’m sure he feels he has to be that way to get attention. It hasn’t quite hit him in the head yet that it is having an opposite affect. The more this boy reaches out to his father hoping to get some help with his problems, the more his passive aggressive father withdraws.

The boy has a tendency to call me when he can’t reach his Dad. After I spoke with the boy I asked the passive aggressive BF what advice he had given. It turns out, the BF never even answered this kid’s call. I wanted so badly to just scream at him “why don’t you just tell your son you cannot offer emotional support to anyone, including him?”

I tried to explain to the boy before that his father is emotionally disconnected and why, but he doesn’t think I know his father as well as he does and refused to listen. So he continues to bang his head against the brick wall, poor thing. He says he has a hard time with emotions now and claims to be just like his father. For his sake I hope that’s not true.

I miss hearing about what’s going on with you all now. I need to make myself write here more often as it helps me to be able to get a lot of this off my chest. I need your comments which help to give me strength knowing none of us is going through this alone.

8 Responses

  1. Sorry you’ve had to move out of your house. I’m glad your son and daughter are doing well.

    Did you ever check out Al-anon or Nar-anon? Are you doing anything to get support for yourself these days?

    Good luck with everything!

    • Hey Val- Glad to see you’re still around.
      No, I haven’t made it to Al-anon yet. I’m not very good at taking my own advice, aye? LOL. I have 1 really good friend that actually knows about everything going on and he’s been very supportive and kind. Not to worry. We’re just friends and always will be. We’ve known each other a few years now and have gotten pretty good at supporting each other. He tells me about his girl troubles, I tell him what a pain in the arse the BF is.

      I also have a good girl friend that I talk to quite a bit that knows what we’re going through as far as the house and stuff. She’s really supportive also and lives just a couple doors down from the mobilehome I’m in the process of repossessing, so she keeps me informed of what the buyer’s up to and what’s going on in the park. That’s been a great help. Every once in awhile just to get away for a day, I go visit. She’s right by the beach, about 30 miles away, but it’s like taking a vacation. LOL.

      Thanks for letting me know you’re still here. How are things going with you? How are the changes coming along?

  2. Just want you to know that you are in my prayers.

    • Joann- Thank you so much. That truly is encouraging. Some days I feel like I can use all the help I can get. LOL.

      Hope all is going ok with you. You’ll have to fill me in.

  3. I’m married to a man whose P/A behavior has ruined our marriage. His lack of intimacy and emotional connection has left me lonely and wishing that I could divorce him ( we have two kids so divorce would introduce more problems.)

    He constantly says one thing but does another so now I only pay attention to his actions and I don’t pay attention to what he says. If I ever confront him with his inconsistencies he just denies his behavior. Everyone thinks he is the nicest guy, I think that he is a manipulative, cold hearted pain in the ass.

    • Christy- Welcome to our club! I had to giggle at your last sentence. I know the feeling so well.

      If you’re having serious problems, it’s really not a good idea to “stay together because of the kids”. Most of the kids that I know now as grown ups are a bit messed up and wish their parents would have just divorced and gotten on with their lives. Instead, they grew up miserable because their parents were miserable. By staying in a bad relationship you may want to think about what you’re teaching your kids about what relationships are like. If they grow up not seeing love and affection between their parents a lot of times they don’t know how to show it to their partner when they get in a relationship themselves.

      Is there any chance your husband will ever admit he has a problem? Maybe if the two of you got some counseling? Or is it too late? I know for me, going back to trying to be romantic after all this time of being so platonic, feels awkward. Unless he’s willing to concede that their is a problem, you always have to have your guard up, which is a miserable way to have to live. I hope you’re getting some kind of emotional support for yourself at least. It’s so important.

      Please drop in and let us know how you’re doing. We’re all pretty much in the same boat here. Hopefully we can bring encouragement to each other.

      • Hi,

        Thanks for responding. We are actually going to counceling once a week. The problem is that we are supposed to concentrate on going forward and communicating constructively, but I’m still mad about the past and want answers that he is not willing to give. Another problem is that “he is the expert on what he is feeling, you are not” (this is what the therapist says to me). Well, what about when his actions don’t match his words and I think that he is lying, then what am I supposed to do? Also, he can barely identify his emotions, how can he be the expert??

        So we are trying, but it is VERY frustrating and I don’t know if it will work.

        • Hi Christy- Yeah, unfortunately counseling doesn’t work so well if he’s just gaming the therapist. The question about what are you supposed to do when his actions don’t match what he says is a good one for the therapist. Maybe he would dig a little deeper with your husband. When your husband does express his feelings in therapy and it contradicts what you are actually living, you should point that out with an example if you can, and then ask the therapist ‘why?’ That may be one way of bringing out the behavior where it’s a little more obvious.

          Good luck. It is terribly frustrating, especially if you don’t feel like you’re really getting any help. Your husband may be the only expert on his feelings, all you’re asking for is for him to be honest and express them through communication. I think that’s fair.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: