Due to circumstances, we have gone from the passive aggressive boyfriend withholding sex, to sleeping in separate beds. It is truly amazing to me what you can get used to.
Until this hotel we had been staying in places that had rooms with 1 king-sized bed. I personally have never liked king beds because they are sooo big, you and your partner can spend all night together and never touch. I even read somewhere that king-sized beds help break down intimacy in a marriage, so I’ve always opted for the queen. Just big enough to give some room, but I could always at least touch him with my foot to go to sleep.
For the last couple of years we have been going through a terrible time when it comes to our bed. I’m sure I wrote here at some point about not only was I not getting any sex, he was waking me up in the middle of the night swearing at me, etc. for either kicking him or my moving too much, something. I had suggested separate bedrooms at one point, but the passive aggressive boyfriend baulked at that idea. All I knew was I wasn’t getting much sleep because I was getting to the point that if I moved and touched him it would wake me up. I would lay on my one side for so long it ached, and I would have to get up. In fact my arm still hurts on that side even though this hasn’t been a problem in a few months.
The hotel we’re staying in now, even though I reserved a king has had to put us up in a room with 2 beds. They seem rather small to be queens, altho that may just be because I had gotten used to the king. Anyway, they looked small enough and with already hurting my back, I naturally went to the one bed while he went to the other. Another reason is because we both use a night stand and this room only has one table to be used as a night stand between the two beds. So, we are now living more as ‘roommates’ than a couple.
A few years ago I would have never allowed this to happen, but since there hasn’t been any real intimacy in our relationship in a couple of years anyhow, I might as well sleep good. LOL.
Now for the passive aggressive part. Since we’ve been sleeping in separate beds I don’t know if he’s finally starting to feel the change in our relationship from ‘romantically involved’ to ‘ just friends’ or what, but in the last couple of weeks or so he’s hugged me and actually squeezed my boobs! Now, what the heck is that? Nothing is said by either of us, (I’m usually on my way out the door) and it doesn’t lead to anything, but it has raised some questions in my mind. It also gave me a pretty sexy dream, but I woke up, damn it. LOL.
So, I’m wondering. Is this the passive aggressive BF’s reaction to insecurity? Does he actually ‘miss’ me? Is he just passive aggressively trying to suck me back in? Or is he just finally so horney he can’t stop himself? I really don’t know. It could be any of the above. I just know that I had pretty much resigned myself to a platonic relationship a couple of years ago in self defense, and now he wants to turn the tables again.
I’ll have to ponder this a bit.
Filed under: abuse, coping, handling stress, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, psychology | Tagged: coping with a passive aggressive, dealing with passive aggressive peopl, games passive aggressives play, hidden feelings, intimacy issues, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse, withholding sex |