Passive Aggressives and Panic

I will tell you I have a whole new empathy for the large part of the country that is going through the foreclosure process right now. As a Realtor I have definitely decided that that part of the market I don’t really want to work like I thought I did. Despite what a majority of the public thinks, that it was the homeowner’s greed etc. that got them into trouble, there are a lot of people out there where it truly wasn’t their fault.

In the meantime, here we are. The Realtor assistant that had told us we would be able to get back into our house to pack during the storage time of 18 days, did not tell us we would get 1 out of those 18 days. Of course the one that gave us that information wasn’t the same one that I had talked to previously. Now this is not carved in stone yet, but it sent my PA into absolute panic thinking we may never “lawfully” get in the house again. He’s got stuff packed I never wanted or cared about. There’s personal stuff from when the kids were small that I really want, but I guess he figures since that stuff wasn’t important to him it wasn’t important to me. While I’m grateful to him for as much as he got done, I don’t think he really started with a “plan”, even tho I kept asking him if he had one or what it is. Now he can’t think, period. I said about my piano still being in the garage, and not my lockboxes that should be, and he informs me there’s not enough room in the POD for the piano. He forgot about it. I told him I knew there wasn’t room now, but it would have been nice if it would have made it in at the beginning.

As we all know that having been with a passive aggressive partner for very long, making decisions about important things is not a strength that they have. Left to their own devices they don’t know what to do and often do the wrong thing hoping not to have to do anymore. In most cases this works well for them, but in a case where they need to step up and be an equal or better, it’s enough to send them over the edge.

While the house we’re leaving is mine and has been for 17 yrs., (he’s been there about 8) you would think this was all happening to him and it was my fault. While I have controlled myself enough not to play the “blame” game, I do mention on occasion that him getting a job somewhere would probably help when it comes to qualifying to get another place.

Over the weekend we can’t get back into the house because the Realtors are off for the holiday weekend, which is a good thing for him. He’s been a nervous wreck, unable to think, or sleep well for a few days. This has given him a chance to relax. I go everyday and collect mail, newspaper, feed the cats, and check on things, but he doesn’t even want to go. Part of that is because he knows I’m not going to stay out of the property and they have “No Trespassing” signs all over the place.

I have already started on a plan and getting my old self back, the one before TV all of the time and lived by positive and successful thinking. I’m not sure if he’ll ever really recover. I just hope it was enough to kick him in the butt to do something about keeping a roof over our heads. So far I’ve taken care of that too, but there comes a point he’s either going to have to do something, or he may find himself on this journey by himself.


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