Passive Aggressives & Crunch Time

My dearest friends,

Sorry for the neglect the last few days, but I’m down to “crunch time” for having to be out of my house after 17 years. We’re down to the last week and the reality has finally started to set in, so I’ve been packing my a** off, so to speak. For those of you who missed the   prior post on here, my partner in the house lost it in foreclosure by signing one of those ridiculous loans, and it’s been foreclosed on. Unfortunately Obama’s housing plan, etc. came to late to help us.

It’s been interesting. The BF, up until this last week also hasn’t moved to do anything, thinking I would come up with an answer, but as he realized his stuff would go in the garbage heap if he didn’t get moving, he’s spent most of the last few days out in the garage going through his things. He’s come across some great sports memorabilia, etc. that he’s had for years, ready to toss it.

It’s here I realized one of the greatest differences between us. As I go through things, while I may not want to move them, there are a few little things that I know would mean a lot to my daughters, and so I put those aside in a little box. The passive aggressive BF has 3 sons, one of which I wrote about here. The oldest is very much a 49’er fan. When the BF came across some of these old sports collectables that he no longer wants because his Cleveland Browns are back, he never gave a thought to the fact that his kids may want any of that stuff.

I asked him if he was going to call at least the oldest one and ask. I’m not sure I ever got an answer, and I’m not really sure what he ended up doing with the items. The one he really should check with is his youngest son. It would help go a ways in repairing that relationship, but he won’t. I’m smart enough to realize that the more I ask him, the harder he’ll dig his heels in, so I’ve basically left it alone.

Yesterday I finally approached the subject of his power tools. We (I) spent a lot of money the first few years we were together getting him every kind of tool he basically wanted to set up a wood working shop in our garage. According to him at the time, that’s the one thing he loves to do and has always wanted to get back to was woodworking. When the PA was out of work the last time for almost 3 years, I begged him to do some stuff to sell at Christmas (when he does do something, it’s to perfection), etc. He never did a thing. I told him yesterday, while I don’t mind moving and paying for storage for his tools if he’ll eventually use them, I don’t like the idea of paying for all that if they would just sit there once we got resettled. I’m not sure what the end of that discussion was either.

A conversation with a passive aggressive many times has no resolution. It just fades off into an inaudible trail. While he admitted he understood how I felt about the tools, he never did say what we were going to do with them.

It is very rare I can get any kind of  actual decision out of him. It makes me wonder how he ever managed to be a supervisor at work, and also understand at the same time why it didn’t ever work out. Maybe he’s one of those people totally different at home than he is at work. I would like to think so. When we first got together he told me he didn’t like to make decisions at home because he had to do that all day for a living. Now I find myself just once in awhile wishing he would make a decision about life.

2 Responses

  1. I think throwing out mementos might be passive aggressive anger acting against himself. He might be punishing himself by throwing away things he really wants? Just an idea.

    Hope the move goes OK. Sorry about the house.

    • Hey Val,
      Thanks for the input. You may be right. I would hate to think he is truly that emotionally detached. He was very concerned about getting some of his family mommentos out, the ones that had to do with his mother, etc. I just feel bad that he stays so estranged from his kids. I’m sure he’s embarrassed also, but there are times you just have to suck it up.
      We’re getting to the end of dealing with the house stuff. Everything will be ok. Jesus loves me. LOL. Thank you for your condolences.

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