The passive aggressive very rarely comes right out and lets you know what you’ve done that upsets them. You have to be part mind reader and part puzzle solver. This usually comes from not being able to express themselves as children out of fear of either being beaten or that their parents will desert them. They usually then grow up and join the service, which is the almost ultimate in not being able to express your opinions, or realize in a job if they express themselves they get fired. My Passive Aggressive boyfriend is no exception. Altho we didn’t cause it in our partners, we’re the ones who live with the result.
I don’t generally sleep real well and I get up really early in the morning. I’m usually up for hours before the BF. When he does wake up, I serve him coffee in bed and bring him the paper. He turns sports on the TV, reads his paper and drinks his coffee (then wonders why he’s not first on the list for a job. LOL) I guess I’m an enabler, which isn’t good either.
In the afternoons I usually get that afternoon slump, you know, between 2 and 3 or so. If I was in an office job I would probably grab coffee and a candy bar. Since I’m home I like to take a nap. I don’t like long naps because I wake up too groggy, and not too short (altho sometimes even 10 min. works). Obviously, the passive aggressive BF must not be happy about this, altho he acts very supportive.
Since he’s home all the time, sports are on the TV almost all the time. I don’t really care because I’m usually working at the computer. When I decide I need my nap, I can generally sleep anywhere through anything. His new thing is to leave whatever sports he’s watching on TV and leave the room. Yesterday he had a hockey game on rather loud and I woke up. He was gone. I go out to the garage and he’s watching TV out there. It makes me wonder if this is a control issue.
I’ve gotten tired of telling him he can change the channel when he comes in from doing what ever he’s doing. I’ve told him a million times I don’t care about the news because it’s too depressing, a soap that’s on, etc. Now I’ve resorted to changing the channel myself.
Yesterday it’s 96 degrees here. During the winter I battle him constantly to leave the back door open just a bit so the animals can get in and out. He was going to put a pet door in years ago, but alas it’s still sitting in the garage. He’s constantly shutting the door so they can’t get out to go to the bathroom. Now when it’s hotter than Hates, I leave the doors and windows open all night and shut them during the day to cool down the house, still leaving the kitchen door open for the animals. Now he wants to leave the door open during the day as wide as he can get it, of course letting in all the heat.
While it was so hot yesterday, he chose to go watch his TV in the garage. I don’t know if he really thinks I don’t know that’s what he’s doing out there or what. He comes in yesterday afternoon saying how terribly hot it is outside and sweating like a dog. I told him it was his choice to be out there in it and that I’m tired of telling him all the time he can watch what he wants in here. I think he was kind of shocked he didn’t receive more sympathy, but damn it, I can only beat my head against a wall for so long.
My passive aggressive BF is very passive. He does all these “small” things to take out his anger or unhappiness. I’m very lucky in the way that he’s not one of these that ire’s real easily and the house is always in turmoil, but even the small battles on a constant basis get very waring.
I have learned through the years to confront his behavior, but all that does is stop the one behavior and he starts another one. It would be so much easier on us both if he would just come out and say what’s bothering him and we could deal with it. Unfortunately for the passive aggressive that might involve a confrontation and they just can’t handle that.
Filed under: abuse, causes, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, psychology | Tagged: abuse, behaviour problems, coping with a passive aggressive, covert abuse, games passive aggressives play, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive communication, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse, sanity |