One of the things I have said more than once here is if you’re in a bad relationship with a passive aggressive, you need to split for the sake of the children, which I know is the opposite of the old adage to “stay together for the sake of the kids”. I’ve met more people that are admittedly messed up because their parents hated each other but stayed together while the kids were being raised.
If you’re wondering how your passive aggressive partner’s behavior is affecting your kids, let me tell you about a first hand experience.
Last nite my almost step-son called and it was quite apparent he wasn’t calling to celebrate the day. I was getting ready to hand the phone to his father, but on this occasion he decided it was my point of view he wanted. In the end I don’t think it was anyone’s point of view he wanted as much as he needed a sounding board.
I listened for over an hour while this 30 yr. old kid bared his soul. He’s been having trouble with his bride of 2 years and his unemployment hasn’t helped the situation any. In the end, the bottom line was that all his problems stem from his childhood. He doesn’t understand the passive aggressive thing, though I tried to give him a little insight hoping to help him understand who his father was.
He feels so abandoned and so unloved. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t just him, that his father doesn’t really connect with anyone, not his children, not his siblings, and not even me.
I know what set him off. He called his father on Friday asking his father to meet him for lunch over the weekend. He was in another town nearby and thought it would be good to get together. The BF told his son he would call him back Sat. morning to set it up. The BF, in his usual passive aggressive way, “forgot” to call Saturday morning and still didn’t call even after I reminded him.
Now one of his biggest fears is becoming just like his Dad. I explained to him that he has the choice of breaking the cycle, but like most young people he is driving himself nuts thinking he can change his father instead of looking how he handles the relationship with his father. This poor young man is unhappy in all his relationships and because it stems from here, until he finds peace with the fact that his father is the way he is, he won’t be happy anywhere.
This is one of the ways a passive aggressive parent affects their children. It makes them feel unworthy, unlovable, and searching for answers. They need to understand their parent’s problem is not because of them, has nothing to do with them, and does not make them any less of a very special person deserving all the love and affection the world has to give.
Filed under: abuse, alcoholic, causes, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive parent, passive aggressive spouse, self esteem, trust | Tagged: abuse, coping with a passive aggressive, coping with passive aggressive behavior, covert abuse, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive communication, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse |