With or Without the Passive Aggressive

Discover What You Want in Life
 
Once you’ve discovered that you’re involved with a Passive Aggressive it’s imperative that you protect yourself as much as possible emotionally. Try spending a little time remembering and enjoying the person you used to be.  If that person was someone you liked, revel in the good feelings and fond memories. If that person wasn’t so great, think of the person you would like to be.
With these good feelings in mind,  immediately set about analyzing what it is you want out of life, what you need to do in order to get what it is you want, and then take the necessary steps towards achieving whatever it is you want.
First, you have to KNOW what it is you want. Then, you have to know what you HAVE TO DO in order to get what it is you want. And finally, you have to START MOVING in the necessary direction to end up with what you want. In other words, if you don’t know what you want, nor how to get it, you’ll be without purpose or direction in life.
This is “goal-setting,” and unless you set goals for yourself, you’ll just be allowing yourself to be pushed through life by whatever happens next. Use this “terrible time in your life” as a time for introspection and a new start. Think about yourself, and start taking the “baby-steps” necessary to making you proud of yourself. Stop mourning the loss of what you had hoped your marriage would be; pick yourself up, and determine within yourself that you’re on your way to bigger and better things – total happiness and love!
Rebuilding your self-esteem – your ego and how good you feel about yourself – is one of the first steps you must take. There are many ways to move in this direction…
Do What Makes You Feel Good

You might get a new hair-do; rearrange the furniture the way you want it; take a trip to someplace you always wanted to visit; go to see a special movie or any number of other things. The important thing is that you do something that makes you feel good.

From there, comes the introspection of where you are, and what you’re going to have to do in order to survive. Plan it all out on paper, and then do what you have to do in order to make it come out as you’ve planned. When you write everything out in your own hand, it’s a giant step to getting there. The connection between your handwriting and your subconscious has been made. Did you know there is a phenomenal difference between people who achieve their goals when they write them down vs. people who don’t write them?

Most important – don’t be afraid of making mistakes or of ‘falling down” once or twice along the way. It’s just as if you were seventeen years old again, and just beginning a life of your own. It’s like when a baby learns to walk – he’s going to stumble or fall a couple of times, but by continuing to try, he eventually not only walks but finds he can run as well. So it is in rebuilding your life with or without the Passive Aggressive partner or spouse.

It’ll be hard, but the sooner you start, the easier it’ll be for you to regain your emotional well being. At first, even though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and associate with other people. See for yourself that other people don’t “immediately recognize you” as a loser, or a failure. Remember how much fun it is to be among people that actually make you feel liked and respected.

Homework (LOL) Do one thing today just for you that makes you feel good no matter what anyone else thinks. Would love to hear about what you did below.

Update: I have no idea why wordpress isn’t spacing this the way I want. Sorry if it’s hard to read.

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2 Responses

  1. I took some of my set aside blow money and went to the casino for an hour. I broke even, but the best part was just doing it cuz I felt like it. Either way I will be judged and found wanting, so if I;m going to do the time I may as well do the crime! Keep up the good work. You make me smile on days that I otherwise wouldn’t.

    • Joann- Thank you so much and welcome!
      It’s amazing what just an hour away can do, aye? Breaking even in a casino is just an added plus. Sometimes we just have to be happy for us, even if it’s just for a little bit and we have to learn how to be able to do that without guilt. That’s one thing I’ll give to this really good assertiveness training class I took long ago. It taught me how to say “You can not use guilt on me anymore. I refuse to accept it. It won’t work on me any longer.” I used that with my mother who is the best at inducing guilt on anyone, so she switched from me to my sister. LOL.

      I went to visit a friend in the hospital that I love dearly (sweet little old man) and I almost stopped to have a couple of drinks with friends, but I had too much stuff to get done. It was great. I always come back feeling so refreshed any time I’m out with friends, or taking a class, etc.

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