If you’re in a passive aggressive relationship, then you probably are the one that takes care of the bills and every thing else to do with you and your family’s life. The basic role of the passive aggressive is to not take responsibility for anything if they can help it, not the bills, not the household chores, and certainly not you.
To be perfectly honest, my passive aggressive BF moved in with me, so I have always taken care of the bills regarding the house, etc. When he originally moved in, he gave me so much a month as his share of rent, utilities, etc. Then he was out of work for 2 or 3 years, and I noticed we had this kind of role reversal. He took on most of the cooking, shopping and cleaning the kitchen while I worked and handled the household expenses. When he went back to work, he just started handing over his full paycheck minus a weekly allowance.
Now he’s been out of work again for several months and I can see the old way slipping back in. I’ve always been pretty independent and taken care of things (1st born) but sometimes I can’t help but daydream a little about someone taking care of me. It would be nice to have someone share the burden of how to make ends meet, or even ask where the money’s going. I’m afraid I have allowed myself to become the answer to every passive aggressive’s dream.
He turns over the unemployment check minus his weekly allowance and as far as he’s concerned, he’s done his part. Never does he ask how I’m paying the bills, how it’s going with the house (we were in foreclosure) or anything else. If I want anything done around the house I have to ask for it specifically or he never sees it, like the grass in the front yard is looking like a jungle now. I heard him messing with the lawn mower yesterday and thought he was going to mow it. My bad. He was just fixing the loose wheel.
Sometimes I just want to scream “I have 3 kids. I don’t need another one. I need to feel safe and protected. It’s my turn.” If you live with a passive aggressive partner, you probably have guessed by now that feeling safe, loved and protected is just not in the cards for you. Yes, I understand about the women’s -libbers. Hell, I lived through the movement with NOW and Gloria Steinam. At that time, other than equal pay I could never understand why women were fighting to be treated equal. As far as I was concerned they were lowering their standards. I liked it up on a pedestal. In some ways the old “Me Tarzan, you Jane” wasn’t all that bad.
Filed under: abuse, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive spouse, personality disorders | Tagged: abuse, coping with passive aggressive behavior, dealing with passive aggressive peopl, living with a passive aggressive, mental health, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive communication, passive aggressive relationships, passive aggressive spouse |