Just by the very nature of the personality disorder, most passive aggressives suffer from low self-esteem. They have a fear of being abandoned by a parent (not pleasing) in early life, and a fear of being alone in later life. Usually they are harboring a feeling of unworthiness even though they disguise it in many ways, usually by controlling those around them in one way or another.
When the normal person sees the self esteem of someone they love go low, all you want to do is help. You want to praise them, edify them and help lift them up. This is nothing like the passive aggressive who gets their power from taking away your self esteem to make themselves feel better about themselves.
The BF has been out of work since last July. I do have to say that this is mostly of his own making. He doesn’t really look for a job except on the computer, he put our home phone on his apps which sounds like the phone has been disconnected if you call, and most of the time he has his cell phone turned off. It’s no wonder he’s out of work and even just writing about it pisses me off all over again.
Oh yeah, what I started to talk about. As the days are going by, I am watching his self esteem sink lower than it usually is. He’s starting to busy himself with the dishes, shopping, cooking supper, all ways to “earn his keep”. He’s being sweeter than ever, while at the same time not doing anything pro-active toward a new career or job. Being an older man of 60 already is not the best thing to be in the job market. Never leaving the house isn’t exactly going to get him there either.
Right now I try to gently nudge and prod. He is at least still getting unemployment so I’m probably not as hard-ass about it as I will be when there’s no money coming in from him. The last time this happened he was out of work for 2 and something years. Not sure I’m willing to do that again.
I ask him what he wants for the new year. His answer is “stability”. I guess you better get “working” on it, BF.
Filed under: avoidant personality disorder, causes, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive job hunting, passive aggressive spouse, personality disorders | Tagged: behaviour problems, coping, coping with a passive aggressive, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive boss, passive aggressive boyfriend, passive aggressive employee, passive aggressive job hunting, passive aggressive spouse, personality disorders |