The Passive Aggressive and Male Menopause

A little passive aggressive?

A little passive aggressive?

Like we don’t have enough to deal with coping with a passive aggressive partner or spouse, men go through menopause just like we do. I’ve known it for a long time. I just couldn’t prove it because they don’t have the easily discernible physical signs like we do, like going from bleeding every month to not. Not only that but they go thru a “mid-life” crisis before they go thru andropause (the male term). You’ve seen ’em. Those guys that all of a sudden go out and buy the corvette, dump their wives of 22 yrs. and start dating a 22 yr. old to prove how verile they are? When a man enters the age of forty, he begins to experience the awkward feeling of confusion, split personality and stressfulness. He tends to lose his sense of purpose as well as his former self. He is craving for the new order of things, more ventures and is spinning out of control. Subsequently,
internal changes had exterior manifestations in terms of social, career and family interactions.

That’s all before andropause even starts! (Sort of equal to peri-menopause as far as building up to the main event). I always thought they were one and the same, but evidently not according to modern science.

The cause of andropause is the lacking of testesterone production just as we quit producing enough estrogen. The symptoms are fatigue, nervousness, irritablility and depression. Most men report their erectile dysfunction as the most notable event during andropause.  They now have harmone replacement therapy for men just like they do for women to help combat some of these symptoms.

What I want to know is if you have someone who is already passive aggressive when it comes to communicating with their spouse, do they get more aggressive during this time (irritability)? If they are withholding sex already as a passive aggressive form of punishment, does it get worse as they are feeling more vulnerable during erectyle dysfunction?

According to two of the doctors that are considered experts on andropause, it is the woman’s job to:

  • Be especially kind, supportive and understanding during this period
  • It is up to us to encourage him to organize himself, to manage his alcohol and cigarette consumption, to relax, to eat healthy foods and to exercise.
  • It is up to us to provide positive support and involvement of the family
  • Last but not least, according to the good doctors, the first thing a woman should teach her husband is to teach them how
    to love and reward themselves as well as love and reward others.

How do they propose we do that? If you’ve been living with a passive aggressive for any length of time, you’ve already tried most the tricks up your sleeve to provide a “loving and positive environment”, to the point where you’re all but crazy. How do you tell the difference in symptoms from being passive aggressive or going through andropause? I can tell you, after researching this a bit they sound way too similar to me. It seems andropause just makes the passive aggressive more so.

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4 Responses

  1. It doesn’t take much to conclude that a PA male whose behavior stems from a lack of nurturing as a child, who transfers his anger and resentment to another female might easily run to another male for his closeness needs does it?

    • Hi Marilyn- Here I’m not exactly sure I know what you mean. How close? or could you elaborate a bit? My PA isn’t close to anyone. Even his closest, dearest friends he doesn’t keep in touch with or call back or anything. I’m not sure I understand.

      Thanks for something different to consider.

  2. I have been married for 20 years and my husband is 47 and I am 41. we have 2 kids together a 17 year old & and a 10 yr old. I figured out this week that not only is he going thru MENOpause but also has passive aggressive behavior. He just called out divorce this week over the phone on his business trip. I don’t know if there is another woman involved or simply anger towards me. I guess I was not able to create a nurturing loving environment for him. His mom has always been supportive to him so i never knew why I was being punished all the time no matter what I did. Working, taking care of the house, bills, kids,..list goes on. He will be home this Friday and I guess we’ll figure out what he is going to do. I am planning to stay emotionless and stay out of his way. I love him very much and have been praying every day. But his anger towards me is now unbearable. Its very hard for me work, be functionally available for kids, and close my emotions. My family and friends are telling me to move on but I love him so much I dont know what else to do. I am crying as I am writing this. I have put all my faith in God to guide me now. How can I stay positive & confident? Its soo hard. I see my therapist next Tuesday.

    • My13 year marriage has endured 11 years no physical intimacy. This is will give you a huge COMPAIR/CONTRAST example of the passive/agressive disorder. IT HAS BEEN THE MOST DIFFICULT WALK OF MY CHRISTIAN LIFE. Now please please bear with me as I set the scene of my draumatic experience with my current spouse.
      My husband and I were born again Christians before we met thru a bible study at our church. What we had in common then was the facts of what led us to become divorced. Sadly both of our previous spouses had developed severe gambling addictions, which caused us to loose most our money & possesions. We both had to file for bankruptcy. So we both chose to end those marriages before it got worse.
      I had been divorced 10 years with out any male companionship. He had been married for 23 years and divorced for one month.We were both age 46 when we met at church during a wed night bibel study.
      We dated for 2 years (when he secretly took my parents out to breakfast and asked them for permission to marry me with their blessings, the said yes. They never mentioned this to me until after we were engaged.So the following week he took me out for a valentine dinner & presented me with a 1/2 karat solitair ring. He proposed and I said a joyfilled YES.Then he also asked if I we could get married in the autumn of that year on sweetest day? So we announce our engagement in front of the entire church congrgaton which included my parents & immediate family.
      A week later our pastor approached us and asked if we planned on getting married in the church? He also asked if we would agree to enter into a covenant marriage, which meant that you could not legaly file for divorce until you had gone thru 6 months of christian counseling & if the counselor did/didnt approve it? The next steps included pre-marriage by our pastor for 6 weeks He made it “very clear” that all marriages have conflict. The resolution is communicate & pray together.
      We got married and 3 months later we had a disagreement & instead of applying what we were taught…he said he never wanted to get married in the first place? So for the first 6 mo of our marriage was only once a week. Then the next 6 mo it diminished down to once every other week. The next 6 months it diminished down to once a month. The next 6 months it had diminished down to once every other month. Then by our 2nd anniversary it was (no more). So I have endured this life style for 11 years. How??? by following Gods commandment to keep him first above all else! In drawing closer to God I have come to realize that God’s love is all I really need. In the bible we find that Paul wrote 2/3rds of the new testament…quoting ” I have learned to become content in all circumstances good or bad.” So in concluding my testimony you can see how my spouse was so very romantic in courting me. Then after he has me…his personality changed and I often wonder if he has shut God out of his life too? I continue to pray for Him…as that is what God has called us to do. 2 Corinthians chapter 5 vs 7 says ” we live by faith not by sight” May you learn to live above your circumstances ~ Blessings

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