The Passive Aggressive and Male Menopause

A little passive aggressive?

A little passive aggressive?

Like we don’t have enough to deal with coping with a passive aggressive partner or spouse, men go through menopause just like we do. I’ve known it for a long time. I just couldn’t prove it because they don’t have the easily discernible physical signs like we do, like going from bleeding every month to not. Not only that but they go thru a “mid-life” crisis before they go thru andropause (the male term). You’ve seen ’em. Those guys that all of a sudden go out and buy the corvette, dump their wives of 22 yrs. and start dating a 22 yr. old to prove how verile they are? When a man enters the age of forty, he begins to experience the awkward feeling of confusion, split personality and stressfulness. He tends to lose his sense of purpose as well as his former self. He is craving for the new order of things, more ventures and is spinning out of control. Subsequently,
internal changes had exterior manifestations in terms of social, career and family interactions.

That’s all before andropause even starts! (Sort of equal to peri-menopause as far as building up to the main event). I always thought they were one and the same, but evidently not according to modern science.

The cause of andropause is the lacking of testesterone production just as we quit producing enough estrogen. The symptoms are fatigue, nervousness, irritablility and depression. Most men report their erectile dysfunction as the most notable event during andropause.  They now have harmone replacement therapy for men just like they do for women to help combat some of these symptoms.

What I want to know is if you have someone who is already passive aggressive when it comes to communicating with their spouse, do they get more aggressive during this time (irritability)? If they are withholding sex already as a passive aggressive form of punishment, does it get worse as they are feeling more vulnerable during erectyle dysfunction?

According to two of the doctors that are considered experts on andropause, it is the woman’s job to:

  • Be especially kind, supportive and understanding during this period
  • It is up to us to encourage him to organize himself, to manage his alcohol and cigarette consumption, to relax, to eat healthy foods and to exercise.
  • It is up to us to provide positive support and involvement of the family
  • Last but not least, according to the good doctors, the first thing a woman should teach her husband is to teach them how
    to love and reward themselves as well as love and reward others.

How do they propose we do that? If you’ve been living with a passive aggressive for any length of time, you’ve already tried most the tricks up your sleeve to provide a “loving and positive environment”, to the point where you’re all but crazy. How do you tell the difference in symptoms from being passive aggressive or going through andropause? I can tell you, after researching this a bit they sound way too similar to me. It seems andropause just makes the passive aggressive more so.


3 Responses

  1. It doesn’t take much to conclude that a PA male whose behavior stems from a lack of nurturing as a child, who transfers his anger and resentment to another female might easily run to another male for his closeness needs does it?

    • Hi Marilyn- Here I’m not exactly sure I know what you mean. How close? or could you elaborate a bit? My PA isn’t close to anyone. Even his closest, dearest friends he doesn’t keep in touch with or call back or anything. I’m not sure I understand.

      Thanks for something different to consider.

  2. I have been married for 20 years and my husband is 47 and I am 41. we have 2 kids together a 17 year old & and a 10 yr old. I figured out this week that not only is he going thru MENOpause but also has passive aggressive behavior. He just called out divorce this week over the phone on his business trip. I don’t know if there is another woman involved or simply anger towards me. I guess I was not able to create a nurturing loving environment for him. His mom has always been supportive to him so i never knew why I was being punished all the time no matter what I did. Working, taking care of the house, bills, kids,..list goes on. He will be home this Friday and I guess we’ll figure out what he is going to do. I am planning to stay emotionless and stay out of his way. I love him very much and have been praying every day. But his anger towards me is now unbearable. Its very hard for me work, be functionally available for kids, and close my emotions. My family and friends are telling me to move on but I love him so much I dont know what else to do. I am crying as I am writing this. I have put all my faith in God to guide me now. How can I stay positive & confident? Its soo hard. I see my therapist next Tuesday.

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