I’m A Little Worried About My Subconcious

Just a quick word first about the son. He went to court last Tues. and they set him loose. Guess the cops were more interested in smoking the weed he had on him than prosecuting him for it since there were no new charges and there’s no weed in evidence with his name on it. Thank you, God. Believe me I am not complaining. The son got off with a payment plan, 2o AA/NA meetings and a year’s probation, more to make sure he makes payments than to keep an eye on him. I can only hope he’s learned a lesson here, but unfortunately he still needs to change his mindset from friends first to business first.

He reminds me of a bi-polar and their medicine. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine about this the other nite. She has a daughter that’s bipolar, and she finally was doing well for awhile, but as soon as the state cut her loose, she quits taking her medicine and she’s in la-la land now. It’s so sad. I was telling her about my girlfriend that is bi-polar and I could never understand why when they are doing good they remember how bad it is when they don’t take their medicine, but sure enough as soon as they’re doing really well, they quit the meds. With my son he feels so good when we get good things accomplished. Most of the time I would have to say he doesn’t feel real good about himself. As soon as we’ve had a day or so of getting things done and he’s feeling really good, he ditches me for a couple of days. I don’t see hide nor hair of him. If he feels so good accomplishing things for his life, why doesn’t he keep doing it? How does he lose that “feel good feeling” so fast? I don’t know. I’ll see him again in a few days and maybe we’ll have 1 more day where something gets done. I got a say, what a pain in my ass!

So now, for the passive aggressive boyfriend and me. He actually has been really good and thoughtful recently. Makes me wonder what he’s up to. I really don’t care, I think I’ll just relish it for awhile.

The thing that scares me is I’ve had two (almost) nightmares about being really mad at him in the last 2 or 3 weeks. I don’t remember the dreams so I have no idea what’s causing them. I just get so angry I wake myself up. Evidently I have an issue with something that is or is not happening.

If I were to venture a guess, I would say it has to do with him not working and not taking looking for work seriously enough. I gave him a study course to do something in real estate that would make some good money. He read the first little book that comes with the course, but then I haven’t heard much since. He makes it sound as if he has to memorize 26 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannaca just because he has to learn a few real estate terms he’s not familiar with. He’s got a great mind for detail and for math formulas so he would be terrific in finance, whether it was real estate or something else. It’s just so hard to get him to look in another direction (like the rest of the country is having to do).  He used to be “high tech” but never really kept up with his field, so he’s pretty much outdated there. He loved working at the lumbar yard, but in this economy we all know that’s not at the top of the list of industries that are hiring.

Yep. As I sit hear telling you about it, I can feel the elevation in my blood pressure. It’s probably a good thing I’m having the dreams. It’s probably one of the least harmful ways to vent my frustration. What is that saying? “I don’t hit you because I’m afraid if I ever did I couldn’t stop.” LOL.

Here’s to once again holding my temper in check while living with the passive aggressive.


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