The Self Destructive Passive Aggressive

Hope everyone made it through Valentine’s Day okay. Around our house this year it was pretty much like any other day, which was fine by me. I have to give the passive aggressive BF credit though, he usually buys me a little candy, flowers, and makes a really nice dinner. This year instead we went to watch his grandson’s first ever little league game which was a lot of fun, freezing cold, wet, and a lot of wind. Wore me out. We ordered pizza in.

I’ve been spending the last few days getting acquainted on how the jail system works where we are. My son got hauled in Sunday morning because of some bench warrants he had outstanding from not showing up in court, probably the ultimate in passive aggressive behavior. While I have been warning him for quite awhile and trying to impress on him how important it is to take care of these things as they happen, it’s been to no avail. Due to the fact that when he was younger (high school) each time he got in trouble I thought he was going to have to do some jail time and he never did, he now thinks he’s invincible and I have no idea what I’m talking about.

When they picked him up he also had some weed on him. His girlfriend was driving so at least he won’t have another “driving with a suspended license” charge and supposedly they didn’t charge him with the marijuana this time. The fact of the matter is, he should be getting a clue. This is the second time he’s been caught with an illegal substance on him during a regular traffic stop.  The first time was with his girlfriend’s father.  I guess I should really be grateful that it wasn’t chrystal meth or something much worse than weed, but it’s hard to see that side of it at the moment. It’s going to cost almost $400.00 to get my car out of impound.

This is surely a passive aggressive in self destruct mode. Whether it’s the husband or wife saying “I forgot” to pay the electric bill and the electricity gets turned off, or not paying attention to notices about traffic tickets, it all comes out as passive aggressive behavior. They take absolutely no responsibility for their actions. Just like it’s my fault that I don’t jump right to it to bail him out of jail, somehow it’s never their fault when they go over budget, forget to pay important bills, or that he got himself in this position in the first place.

For the week leading up to this I reminded him to call the courts to set a new court date. I told him to bring over all his papers with him when he came so we could start getting his messes cleaned up. Every day he “forgot”. Now he will be arraigned today at 1:00 and plead “no contest” to all the charges against him. It’s a pretty hard way to have to learn.

The passive aggressive rarely understands there are consequences to his/her inaction, which most of the time it’s inaction, not action that gets them in to trouble. Whether they forgot a deadline at work, they forgot to pay the electric bill, or they forgot your birthday, the bottom line is usually the same. It’s their way of being able to buck responsibility or authority without coming right out and confronting the situation. While it may cause a disturbance of some kind the best thing to do is let the passive aggressive know you are on to their tricks. From all the research I’ve done, and I’ve done quite a bit, that seems to be the one tactic that they can’t hide from.


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