Quit Pushing My Buttons!

I think one of the hardest things to do when you’re in a relationship with a passive aggressive partner is to control yourself. As much as we’d like to it’s obvious we can’t control them. Controlling our own emotions is the only other choice we have, and it’s probably one of the hardest things for me to do.

It’s funny, when I was in about 4th grade I had ulcers. The doctor said it was from holding in too much and worrying, that I needed to let things out. I learned how to do that quite easily (not always an asset, I can assure you). LOL. Now here I am 45 yrs. later learning to control it again.

With all the phony diagnosis’s (obviously don’t know the proper word or spelling here) they’ve come up with, like drugging our children for A.D.D. when it’s just typical 4 yr. old behavior, etc. the one I am glad they came up with is “anger management”. I’m still working on it but here are a few tips I thought I’d share. No one thing works for everybody so there are a few things here to try when you can feel you’re about to lose it. LOL. Finding one that works for you may mean trying each of them at least once. When an individual is attempting to gain control and eliminate the negative feelings normally dictating their life, exploring anger management skills is necessary.

Adopting Anger Management Skills that Work
There are many, many positive techniques and skills related to anger management. A lot of these are effective for every age group, so if you have children it may benefit them also to learn some of these skills. For the person who is dealing daily with anger problems, especially living with a passive aggressive partner,  it is important to learn skills that will be effective in coping.

One skill that tends to help people deal with negative emotions is acupressure. This technique used as an anger management skill is achieved by tapping or rubbing the body. Using this skill, briskly massaging the body when feeling tense and upset, causes an individual’s energy to move around their body which results in relaxation. (It almost sounds obscene, doesn’t it? LOL) An anger management skill or technique known as the Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT can be combined with acupressure to fight against negative emotions. EFT works to balance the brain hemispheres to help an individual admit there’s a problem and find forgiveness. This anger management skill would be very beneficial in helping a person release feelings of anger and relax.

Adopting positive anger management skills might involve keeping a journal, writing down thoughts and feelings during or right after a fit of anger. I think that’s why I started this blog. It’s hard sometimes to talk about what you feel because a lot of times it’s as if nobody understands what it’s like. Sometimes sharing may only cause extra conflict. Lashing out will get you nowhere. Anger doesn’t solve anything. Once it subsides, the problem is still there. Writing or journaling may help. Without anyone to talk back or object to what you have to say, it may be help to get your  feelings off your chest. I love the conversations we have here and reading what you guys are going through. It’s very supportive knowing none of us is having to face this alone.

Using writing as an anger management tip may also help in the future when trying to find the triggers which cause the angry outbursts. Being able to look back over the information written may provide you with reasons for your anger through reading about similar incidents. This anger management activity would provide specific details and perhaps triggers which usually set you off. Being able to read and review reactions to situations, we may be capable of making changes in our behavior since we can’t change them.

When considering anger management skills, there’s one that isn’t quite so easy to adopt. Removing yourself from  the situation.  Unfortunately, this is usually easier said than done. It would be great if we could just take a little vacation, maybe spending some alone time. Reminds me of that old Calgon bubble bath commercial “Take me away, Calgon”.  It’s amazing what just locking the bathroom door and spoiling yourself with a bubble bath can do.

  If there is a friend or family member who is easy to talk to and understanding, it might be good to talk to them. When we become angry, we often times are incapable of seeing the other side of the problem.  The friend or family member may be able to help you sort through the issues and help you look at the situation from the other side. Like I’ve said here many times, sometimes you just need to be able to get it out.

Some people suggest prayer and meditation as anger management tips. Both of these suggestions involve very personal practices for an individual. Given a chance to pray and be alone with one’s thoughts is a good way to release tension and let the pressures of life wash away. Letting go of feelings of anger and negative thoughts would definitely make a positive change in a person’s life. Through prayer and meditation a person is able to dig deep into their minds and souls for answers to their problems and comfort for their broken spirits.

There are lots of anger management tips which people can practice when the going gets tough. Tips such as breathe deeply, exercise, get more rest, get out in nature, find humor in the situation and play or listen to music. These are all recommended as anger management tips for the person who finds themselves in stressful and confrontational situations. Adopting anger management skills that work is definitely an essential step when striving to cope with feelings of rage, and anger usually caused from being hurt.

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