Sleeping With The Passive Aggressive

Yeah, sort of like “Sleeping With The Enemy”. We are now in the midst of the “cover wars”. This is the latest passive aggressive move to get even with me, I guess, for who knows what.

It turns out my passive aggressive BF is much more “aggressive” in his sleep than when he’s awake. LOL. When it comes to sleeping together, things haven’t been going real well for quite a while now.

It started with him constantly facing my way for most of the nite. I cannot and have never been able to sleep “face to face”. He got to the point that even if he got up in the night to go to the bathroom, came¬† back to bed and I would be facing his way, he would still get in bed and face me. Usually if I’m facing his way it’s because I’ve laid so long the other way, that now that side hurts and I have to turn over. Him doing this would wake me up right away, and no matter what time it was, I would just go ahead and get out of bed.

Step 2 came when I made him aware of what he was doing and he quit. Then all of a sudden I would wake up to him swearing in the middle of the nite. I guess I was moving around too much. The first nite he did it it made me so mad, we had quite the discussion. I told him all he ever has to do is nudge me a little and ask me to move over. It’s really easy. The next nite he woke me up again swearing. I swore to move out of the bedroom if at all possible the next day. Told him if he put slats in the bed I’d be less likely to “roll” his way. Bought the slats. Standing by the front door for a couple of months now.

Step 3. Instead of waking me up swearing at me, he got where he would just vigorously take his feet and sweep my feet back to my side of the bed. I’m one of those that always needs to be touching, even if it’s only the feet. I’ve been trying to break that habit since we’re not exactly “close” anymore, but it’s a little easier said than done. That went on for a few nites and now we move to step 4, and the current status of sleeping with a passive aggressive BF.

We have been in the midst of the “cover wars” for awhile now. I wake up to him pulling all the covers¬†off me. He isn’t subtle about it either. Sometimes I wake up and just hold on until it gets a reaction out of him. Other times I wake up and tell him he’s already got all the covers on the floor beside him. Quit pulling! Either way, the bottom line usually ends up the same. I just go ahead and get up and start my day. It may be 3:00 am, it may be 4. It’s just easier to get up than try and calm my mind down to go back to sleep.

If you’re wondering why I haven’t just moved out of the bedroom, first of all he says he doesn’t want that, and actually I don’t either. In this house right now, there’s really no where else to go. I still have two kids out of three living here, plus my mother. So I will live with this and make adjustments until phase 5 comes along.

Intimacy? What the heck is that? LOL

3 Responses

  1. My passive/aggressive ex KICKED. He said he couldn’t help it and didn’t know it. When we were first together he DIDN’T kick, of course, then he had a physical job and actually got exercise so it’s possible his legs were doing at night what they never did in the day, move.

    Why are you still with this guy? I really don’t understand it. It seems your blogging (which is useful and helpful to others, don’t get me wrong) is you “catharting” so you can stay in the same crap situation. He is not the important person in the world — though he might think so — you are equally important even if he has you so demoralized and focused on your utility to him that you’ve forgotten it. These guys don’t deserve a relationship. You’re not going to change him; you have the choice to focus on strategies to get what you need, or live a life that provides you what you need without endless strategic planning and disappointment.

    Get out — write a blog about how great it feels to SLEEP at night, how great it feels to have money to pay your bills, and not have some surreptitiously angry person controlling your choices and your life.


  2. Thanks Martha for the encouragement.

    I stay because it works for me right now in the situation I’m in, and because it could really be a lot worse. He’s already trained, LOL, and we know what to expect from each other. He’s as loyal as the best hound dog and he puts up with a lot from me, also. I basically started blogging about it because there seemed to be so many people with a passive aggressive that just didn’t know how to handle them, or took the blame for everything. Mine is just another approach. I also thought we could all help each other.

    I do know he’ll never change. Way to old, etc. but for the most part, that’s ok. For now it’s a trade off, and trust me, I’m benefitting or I wouldn’t be here.

    So many people living with PAs take the first 25 yrs. before they even realize what’s happening to them.

  3. Is that all he’s got? Child’s play, it is.

    The PA I live with is all elbows and fists, all night long, so much so that I spent all night every night on my right sided, with my back to him, in a protective position. I live with chronic neck, shoulder and back pain, so sleeping this way, without being able to reposition myself at all during the night, was hell most of the night and all the next day.

    During times that we’ve gotten along the worst during the day, he’s actually punched me in the back in his sleep. I’m absolutely positive that he was asleep each time and wasn’t playing possum. The PA is PA through and through, a pro even in his sleep.

    I stopped sleeping in his bed a few months ago and so I no longer have to deal with any of that.

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