Help! I’m Surrounded By Passive Aggressives!

It’s sort of the same feeling I had when I was the only Capricorn born into an all Libra family. Not only is the BF passive aggressive, but so is my mother who lives with us. I wonder how many of their traits I’ve environmentally inherited?LOL.

My mother is a different kind of passive aggressive than the BF. While he is passive passive aggressive and takes the blame for everything, she is aggressive passive aggressive and just feels like everybody blames her for everything. It’s very interesting to see two different sides of the same personality disorder. Yet they are extremely alike in so many ways. That’s probably why she loves him so much. I enforce rules and make her do things for herself so she hates me, not enough to go to a home though.

A long time ago my mother decided because she was getting older, she was “entitled”. Entitled to be nasty, entitled to have people wait on her, entitled to be lazy. She’s 75, has most of her mind, and is perfectly able-bodied for the most part. Her life consists mostly of TV and stealing cigarettes. She does absolutely nothing around the house, even in her own room. If she can get away with it, she leaves her dishes in the sink for me to do and any wrappers, etc. on the counter to be thrown away by someone else.

The difference between the aggressive passive aggressive and the passive passive aggressive is this.

me: “Why didn’t you rinse your dishes and put them in the dishwasher?”

APA: “There were other dishes in the sink before I put mine in there.”

me: “I don’t care. There’s no reason why you couldn’t at least rinse your own dishes. I’m not anybody’s slave around here.”

APA: Gets mad. Starts fight. Still doesn’t do dishes left in sink.

Now, same scenario with the BF.

me: “Was it you or my mother that left your dishes in the sink?”

PPA: “Oh, that must have been me. I was going to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. (now hanging his head) I forgot. I’m so stupid. I’ll go do them now.”

With a passive aggressive, many things are the same whether you’re with a passive or aggressive passive aggressive. The thing that is different is how they handle it. My mother’s story was always how her mother didn’t love her out of the 3 kids, everybody blames her for everything, she’s such a bad person. Anytime you call her out on any of her behaviors she’s extremely defensive and the fight is on. What’s really amazing to me is how all of the things she supposedly hated while I was growing up, lying, sneakiness, she now does herself just like a little kid. 

Having her with us really gives me a view of life going full circle from having our parents to being our parents parents. I told my kids if I ever get like her when I’m that age, to just shoot me. LOL. It’s up to me to break the cycle.

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