Catch Up with the Passive Aggressives…

Today was trash day again. The trash never got put out again. After just a couple of weeks of getting it out on Monday nites, we’re back to running to beat the garbage truck in the morning on Tuesdays. Even tho they tell us to have the garbage on the curb by 6:00 am, he sounds indignant in his passive aggressive way as he says this morning, “but it’s not even 8:00 yet!”

I was so angry! It didn’t take him long after waking that he decided to get dressed and get out to his TV in the garage, instead of hanging around in here, having his coffee, catching sports updates, and reading the paper. I told him he didn’t have to bother getting dressed now, the garbage truck was already gone!

I wasn’t really as mad at him as I was at myself. I was mad at me for not mentioning it last nite. I was mad at me for not taking care of it myself, and I told him that. I was mad in general because I shouldn’t have to worry about it! It’s been on the same day for the last 9 yrs. “Oh d**n I forgot” doesn’t cut it.

Most of his days off are spent in the garage watching sports, sportscenter, sports anything. Today I came back from the store to him cutting tree branches. I was surprised. I hadn’t mentioned yardwork. “I’m tired of hitting my head on the branches.” Once those were done, he was done. While he was out there I mentioned the one patch where the weeds are now sparse, but 3 ft. tall. Think he’d weedwack them. No.

To keep my sanity, next week this won’t be a problem.

In the meantime, my daughter has broken up with her passive aggressive boyfriend. For a short time I thought I might be wrong about him, but once again “no”.

They just had a major talk not long ago, got all the cards out on the table and everything seemed to be better. She still had not received any “endearments” of any kind, no “I love you’s” and no compliments. Emotionally nothing. One thing about my daughter, she knows what she needs and she knows when her needs are not being met.

He pulled the really typical passive aggressive faux paus this weekend. Like the usual passive aggressive he made plans with her, had her invite friends, and without warning or telling her, turned everything upside down. Not only did he completely change all the plans but changed all the players also, leaving her and her friends out to dry. Then in the true passive aggressive fashion, claimed it was him that was wronged and needed a “cooling off period”.

Evidently, after talking to her at length, he’s also pretty narcessistic. Not a good combination for a partner that needs to hear how pretty she looks once in awhile, or that she’s loved. She did the best thing she could do for herself, and let him go. While she has deep feelings for him, she realizes he is not meeting her deepest needs and pursuing the relationship any futher would be fruitless.

Don’t we all wish we could see that clearly before we’re gone too far?

4 Responses

  1. Yes, I too hope my kids will know that “deep feelings” aren’t enough to sustain a relationship and that they will be able to cut free those who don’t meet their needs.

    In my household, things that are the PA’s responsibility are left until “crisis point,” at which time I am forced to drop whatever I am doing and help fix things, all the while giving the PA huge dollops of “oh poor you, yes, life is so hard and unfair to you!” If I get annoyed or don’t jump into the created frenzy, I am not being “a supportive spouse.”

  2. Thanks for stopping by NLC.

    I know about the “supportive spouse” thing. What a great manipulation. There are times I too, do as you do and drop everything to make something happen that shouldn’t even be up to me. Sometimes I just have to let it go and let him suffer the concequences. (I just try to do that when it’s things where I won’t suffer too bad myself. LOL)

  3. same here, I had one of these – had to leave. he never called me any endearments, never called me by name. He’d avoid all responsibility, knowing that if he waited long enough, I’d take care of it myself just to avoid bad consequences. He denied saying all kinds of things and doing all sorts of things that he actually did do. Gaslighting and crazymaking – these people simply suck – they are users and parasites. And I am the one with the anger problem. Right. 🙂 It’s justified, believe me.

  4. It’s always “us” isn’t it? It’s funny how that happens. Just amazes me how the problems are still there for them long after we’re gone. Sounds like you were one of the lucky ones that got out. Thanks for your input Eliz. Appreciate you stopping by.

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