Trying To Understand the Passive Aggressive

When the BF and I got together I thought he was perfect for my life in so many ways.

First off, he had raised 3 boys, been their little league coach, taught them things boys learn usually from their fathers. I thought he would be great for my son who was only 10  yrs. old when  we got together.  He was in Little league.  My son’s real father has been gone since he was 4. It wasn’t like I sprung the kids on the BF after he moved in. He new about my son (and my daughters). It turned out great as far as my BF never missed one of my son’s games. Did he give him any pointers? Not really. Did he ever get out and throw the ball with him? Never. While my son was growing into manhood, I asked continuously for the BF to have him help with yardwork, etc. so he could learn how to do things. The more I asked, the less the BF would do. The only time they communicated was before and after a game. I would have thought it to be a lot closer relationship. I didn’t realize at the time that my passive aggressive boyfriend just really didn’t know how. I realized a little while ago, he really didn’t have that close of a relationship with his own sons.

Another way I thought the boyfriend would fit into our lives is that he enjoyed working on cars. He had an old Chevy truck that he worked on quite a few years ago. Since getting together he has done my brake pads, but when it comes to the car he drives, the only way I find out something’s wrong with it is if I drive it every once in awhile. Then I question him about the problem and take it to a mechanic to get it fixed.

The reason I bring this up is because I had occasion to drive his car a couple of weeks ago. I thought I heard something banging in the rear end, but it seemed intermittent so I thought maybe it was just me. He drives this car everyday, so I figured if something was wrong, he would have said something. Clumsy me! Last nite he got off work and barely made it off the lot, and the car completely broke down. Thank God, we have AAA. He called me to tell me he broke down. I told him to take the card out of his wallet, call triple A and I would be there to pick him up. Like the last time we had to have the car fixed, this problem will cost 10 times as much to get fixed now than it would have if he would have gotten it fixed when the problem started.

Even tho I have lived with this passive aggressive for almost 10 yrs., I too am still learning how far in our lives it reaches, am still surprised, and am still learning how to cope. Of course in the usual passive aggressive way, he kept apologizing for the car breaking down. Of course I keep telling him it’s just one of those things. The car is old. It’s bound to happen. He was so upset. How could I say “I thought you learned after the last time”? Just one of the ways they keep us sucked in. LOL

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