Cecil Adams, columnist for The Chicago Reader says “Merely being passive-aggressive isn’t a disorder but a behavior — sometimes a perfectly rational behavior, which lets you dodge unpleasant chores while avoiding confrontation. It’s only pathological if it’s a habitual, crippling response reflecting a pervasively pessimistic attitude.”
I know better. I have suggested calls to his mother, calls to his kids, calls to get a haircut. The answer is always the same. Either “I was going to do that today” or “I’m going to do that a little later”.
The next day I ask “Did you call so and so?”
“Oh, I forgot. I’m such an idiot!”
I bought the passive aggressive BF a satellite radio for Father’s Day. It didn’t work so we bought a new car radio so the satellite radio would work. Still doesn’t work. Checked with the guys at the car stereo shop. Gave him the harness he needs and found out there’s an amplifier in the very back of the car we didn’t know about. It’s blowing fuses like crazy.
5:44pm I suggested calling the stereo place and see if they can give ideas as to why the fuses keep blowing. Reply: Can’t call. They’re closed by now. I’ll call tomorrow.
2nd day- 5:30pm BF: “I think I’ll call the stereo place. I wanted to check thru everything first before I called”
Me: “Aren’t they closed? When I suggested yesterday that you call because most those places don’t close until 6, you said they would be closed. It was too late to get ahold of anyone.”
BF: “Oh I did?” and he proceeds to call and talk to someone.
Obvious lesson? He’ll call when he’s darn good and ready. If I suggest it he may never do it. This comes from the passive aggressive need to rebel against anyone in authority and no matter how close you think you are, that includes you. When I’m really on my game, when I suggest he call family, for a haircut, etc. I try to circumvent the “I forgot” with the follow up “Why don’t you call now so you don’t forget?” The passive aggressive isn’t very happy when you start taking away their excuses. While he’s outwardly irritated with me, passively of course, many times it works.
Filed under: coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders | Tagged: coping with the passive aggressive, living with the passive aggressive, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive boyfriend, personality disorders |