Anyone who lives with a passive aggressive knows how they are about “chores”. (If not see the passive aggressive definition in my last post). For the most part if you and the passive aggressive have been together very long, like me and the BF, you learn how to work around that.
The BF likes to cook and he cooks well. I love it when he cooks because it’s usually stuff I don’t cook and it allows me to get some other things done. When he cooks I usually try to have most of the kitchen cleaned up so he doesn’t have to deal with any mess when he’s trying to cook. The other day there were still a couple of large bowls and a couple of pans that I needed to do by hand. I told him I would get them done and out of his way. His reply was “No, that’s okay. I’ll get them.”
After asking him if he was sure and getting the ok, I left the kitchen. When all’s done and dinner’s ready, I come back to the kitchen to find the bowls and pans had been moved from the sink on the right to the sink on the left, with a few added.
He got me. I know he doesn’t like to do pots and pans. He taught me that lesson when he was out of work and doing most of the cooking, etc. He just either puts a lid on it so it looks like it’s been washed, or he hides the small stuff under the bigger stuff in the sink. That’s the passive aggressive way when they don’t want to do something. I used to expect that kind of stuff from my kids. I had to get used to it with an adult.
I couldn’t resist. I had to ask him “Why didn’t you just let me do those dishes when I said I would? I didn’t realize your idea of taking care of them was going to be just moving them over to the other side of the sink.”
His justification was “I did all the small stuff and put it in the dishwasher.”
I had to remind him that he did not. I had all that done before he ever got out there. That was it. He doesn’t know why. He can’t say he just didn’t want to do them and he can’t articulate why he just didn’t let me do them. It’s the passive aggressive nature of the beast. After living with him for almost 10 years and as good as I thought I’d gotten at the game, he still gets me every once in awhile. LOL.
Filed under: coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders | Tagged: chores, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive spouse, personality disorders |