The passive aggressive BF is now officially on vacation. Let the games begin! LOL. Yesterday was the oldest granddaughter’s graduation, and while we haven’t seen them in years due to scheduling conflicts, this worked out perfectly, except I was running late. Quite late. My bad.
Of course he doesn’t say anything and is quite patient while I proceed to pack the gifts, get ready, etc. He’s watching TV and I know very aware of how far along I am in the process heading toward leaving the house. He knows what we have to do, but until I specifically ask him, there is definitely no volunteering to help with anything.
On the way out of town I pull into a Wendy’s drive thru to get an ice tea and some chicken nuggets for the drive. I was already starving and knew we wouldn’t eat until after graduation. The bill was $4.73. I thought I had $5, but I only had $4. I am searching and searching for another dollar or the 73 cents change. He had just gotten $100. Think he would whip out one of those $20’s and just pay for it? Oh heck no! Get even #1.
We’re finally on the road. The car is packed with Christmas gifts from Christmases past when I shopped, but we never saw the family, plus the graduation present. I’m thinking as I’m driving (I drive because he scares the hell out of me) that I’ll make up the timeloss with speed. Not to worry, until we change highways and come to almost a dead stop in traffic. Yet even with hitting traffic, we get there in plenty of time to visit with the family, the ex-wife, etc. before we head for the graduation. All’s well that end’s well I always say, except it wasn’t over.
After graduation it’s back to the son and daughter-in-law’s for a big spaghetti dinner and the graduate to open her presents. As the BF and I unload the car of our packages to take in the house, he’s only grabbing the “best” presents, vs. the little stuff. I offer the idea that we need to take the little stuff, because you usually save the “best” stuff for last. It’s kind of like a finale. He agrees. It makes sense. We haul everything in and put it on a corner of the couch out in the livingroom. We’ll wait for the right time to give everybody their gifts so we can do it when other kids there, etc. don’t feel left out.
First, we get in the house and everyone congregates in the kitchen. They offer him a beer, no he’ll just drink water thanks. Never asks if I would like anything to drink. He never offers me a beer or a glass of wine. He doesn’t even ask me if I would like a glass of water. Finally the daughter-in-law is saying how she used 3/4 of a bottle of wine in the spaghetti sauce. I told her I would drink the 1/4 she had left. Get even #2.
His ex-wife (whom I love. I knew her before I knew him, I just didn’t know they were married to each other a long time ago) had bought flowers for the graduate. I guess because in a way it was a graduation for the other daughter also (going from elementary into middle school) whatever the reason, the ex had gotten a flower and a gift for the her also. They go off into the livingroom to do that and the next thing I know, the ex is back in the kitchen with the gift we had gotten her in her hand. All of a sudden I realized the BF was nowhere in sight. He was in the livingroom handing out the “best”, the finale gifts, to whoever was in there that we had a gift for! Sure enough, he had gotten his way. He not only got to give the gifts he wanted to first, even tho he agreed to bring in the other stuff, but he started without me. Now he says he “didn’t know he was doing anything wrong, he’s sorry, he’s such an idiot, etc., etc., etc.” If you know passive aggressives at all, you know this is a very common ploy. You start out thinking what a jerk he is, and end up feeling guilty for getting so upset. Get even #3.
He also knows my nite vision has gotten really crappy as I’ve gotten older and I hate driving at night in places that I don’t know. We finally left after some prodding about 10 pm. I had been up since 4 am. Not a good combination for the drive home. I’m sure he kept himself awake to keep me awake out of self-preservation, not to do me any favors. I’m very nervous so I ask him to get me a cigarette out of my purse, instead of me taking my hands off the wheel and finding it myself. He gets me the cigarette, no light. I decide I’ll just put it down and wait until we’re out of the winding road to smoke it. He gets himself a cigarette, proceeds to smoke it, never even noticing that I’m not smoking the one he got out for me, or does he? Get even #4 & 5. (This is actually a 2-for-1). LOL.
This morning we only have flavored coffee. He didn’t tell me we were out of regular coffee and I didn’t have time to go get any yesterday. (Just like he didn’t tell me when he used the last of the coffee filters last week). The BF doesn’t like flavored coffee. Oh well. He got even with me 5 times yesterday for being late. This one’s my turn and he brought it on himself. LOL. What a sad way to live.
Filed under: abuse, coping, mental health, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders | Tagged: coping, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive relationships, personality disorders |