I probably should have gotten a clue when he said he hadn’t been with a woman in five years, since his last break up. I should have gotten an even bigger clue when he said he hadn’t been in touch with his mother for almost 30 yrs. and it wasn’t because he was angry. He just hadn’t been in touch since he left home back in the midwest shortly after he got out of the service and came to California. When we met he had just started going home for her birthday the last couple of years, and he was then 50 yrs. old.
In all the time we’ve been together he rarely called her. He rarely calls his kids. I mean really rarely. When we first got together I thought this was odd as he seemed so loving. I really should have thought about it a little more. If someone can go for years without ever getting in touch with the people they profess to love, there’s obviously some sort of emotional disconnect there. And if they can’t seem to connect with family that they have known forever and love so much, how is the passive aggressive spouse or significant other going to connect with you?
While the passive aggressive may want to love you, they usually are more fearful of becoming dependent on you or putting you in a place where you can hurt them. While they may have sex with you, they rarely actually make love for this same reason. They can’t trust themselves to emotionally connect with you.
They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make excuses for other’s bad behaviors.
The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.
Filed under: abuse, coping, hidden feelings, mental health, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, personality disorders, Uncategorized | Tagged: emotional health, lack of inimacy, mental health, passive aggressive tendencies, personality disorders |